Game over, try again

AF is here so onto the next cycle. The past 2 months I fell like trying to get pregnant has taken over my life. I'm always thinking about it, planning around it, and waiting. Waiting to ovulate, waiting to test, waiting (wishing) for symptoms, waiting for AF.

What I really need to focus on is eating healthier and working out. I'm so unhappy with myself. I hate the image I see in the mirror. I'm the heaviest I've ever been and I hate it. My clothes don't fit, I'm uncomfortable. It's time to change that! Of course we'll still be TTCing, but I'm going to focus on me and being healthier! And it can only help with the whole baby making thing!

It's the first day of the year and CD1. A new year, a fresh start, a new cycle. Tomorrow after work I plan to go to the store to get some healthy foods to take to work for lunches and some healthy stuff to make for dinners this week! We have an elliptical trainer in our room that's being used to hang clothes on and we plan on moving it down to the family/tv room in the basement. I'm excited about that. I have so many shows on our DVR I need to catch up on and tons of stuff on Netflix I want to watch and I'll be able to work out while watching them! So much better then watching whatever's on tv. I hate that. There's usually nothing good on when I decide to use it upstairs so it makes the workout feel so long and drag on. When I'm watching something good the workout goes by so fast and I'll workout longer, but then the stupid commercials they kill the workout to. So now I won't have to worry about that. I'm hoping to start using the elliptical as often as I can for a few weeks and once I get into a habit of working out often I want to get into going to the gym. And once it warms up outside a little more I plan on doing the couch to 5k program.

Cheers to a New Year and a new me!!!


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Blessed

We often take our blessings for granted. We're so focused on the stress of the moment, especially this time of year. I work retail, which means A LOT of work around the holidays. The store is busy, people are rude, and I have a list a mile long in my head of things I need to do and buy before my mom and in-laws get here. It's just going, going, going. But on friday I was reminded of how blessed I am.

My coworker was on her lunch already when I went to lunch and she was really upset. She had just found out that her boyfriend lost his job. They've been making cut backs at his work and I don't think they were expecting it to affect him, he's a manager and didn't see it coming. This poor girl has been through so much this year and things were finally looking up for her and then this happens. She did my nails earlier in the week and was telling me how he wants to get married early next year but she doesn't know how that'll happen because of money, and that was before they found this out. I felt awful for her.

I realized how blessed I am. My husband has a great job. We bought our own home this year. And while there are times that money is tight we are lucky. That same day my husband had gotten his bonus. And his normal paycheck. His bonus was a few hundred dollars more then his normal check and seeing that amount of money (bonus + check) made me happy. We want to pay of some credit card debt. And plan a weekend trip to Park City. The fact that were even able to consider doing these things, and having some extra money to be able to is a blessing. We are lucky. I need to remind myself of that more often, especially now, as we are trying to get pregnant and I only see that and the negative of it not happening. I need to take more time to look at the bigger picture and how truly blessed we are, even if we haven't been blessed with a baby yet!



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CD10

I started using OPK's as soon as AF was gone. All have been negative so far (no surprise there) but I want to make sure I don't miss it! Even though it's only CD10 and the OPKs have been negative I want to really MAKE sure we don't miss our window so we'll be gettin busy just in case, at least every other day until I get a positive OPK, starting tonight!

I'm really hopeful for this month! It would be awesome to find out on Christmas that I'm pregnant! I can't imagine a better Christmas present!!! I want it so bad and I'm so ready for it!!!

Aside from TTCing I'm trying to eat better and workout! I used our elliptical yesterday, only 20 minutes but that's better then nothing! Over the past 2-3 years I've gained more weight then I care to admit and I really need to be healthier and get it shape! And I figure it can only help with TTC!


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Another month

Well AF is definitely here. Started last night. A few days early so I'll be able to test as early as christmas eve or Christmas day! Here's hoping for a big fat positive!!! Hopefully this month goes by fast and I'll enter the new year pregnant!!! Here's to December!!!


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Or not...

So it appears that this will not be our month. I tested this morning and it was one single bright pink line in an ocean of white. I was bummed, but still had hope that maybe, possibly I was testing to soon. I used the "as early as 6 days before your missed period" test and I'm 6-8 days away from AF. I bought more tests and more ovulation prediction tests too hoping i wouldnt need those!

Then to take away any hope I had left I think AF is coming, way early. Its only CD22 but I'm having a (very) small amount of spotting. I guess it could be implantation bleeding, but I highly doubt it. I usually have very light spotting for 1-2 days then a few days of nothing and then AF comes. I'm hoping AF just starts tomorrow and I can jump right into another cycle. If it worked out this next cycle I would be able to test right around christmas. My mom would be here!!! I would still get to ring in the new year pregnant! So we will see what tomorrow brings.

This month I used ovulation prediction strips but I wasn't overly concerned or stressed about them. I'm pretty sure I got a positive but wasn't really worried because I made sure we did it A LOT durning what should have been when I ovulated so I thought I had my bases covered, apparently not. I was really hopeful the past few days because of the symptoms I've been having and i thought it was way to early for AF symptoms but I guess I was wrong. I haven't had a cycle shorter then 27 days (usually 28-30 days) since going off the pill over 1 year ago so I don't know what the heck is up with this cycle. Next cycle i am going to be paying more attention to the test strips and I want to get a planner to better track my cycle and symptoms so that if we have to take steps down the line in order to get pregnant I will have a ton of info for the doctor...not that I have one here in UT yet...I really need to get on that!

We shall see what tomorrow brings. I have no hope for this cycle but I'm truly hopeful for the next one!


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