Wants

I want...
* to lose weight
* to be stronger
* to have confidence in myself
* to find something I love career wise
* to be better at cleaning my house
* to be better at saving money
* to be rich
* to travel all over the world
* to be able to see my family more, live closer to them

But more then anything I want a baby. I want to be a mom. I'm ready for it. I ache for it. My mind is consumed with "when will it be my time?", "when will my prayers be answered?", "what do I need to do to make this happen?", "when do I need to do 'it' for it to happen?", "are we doing it at the wrong time? Not often enough? Too often? On the wrong days?", "should I chart my temps? Use ovulation prediction strips?" Wasn't it supposed to be unprotected sex=pregnancy?! Isn't that how it's supposed to work?

I've been trying so hard to focus on myself, my workouts, and I've been doing really good. Until this week. It just hit me: i don't want to wait any longer. I'm going to be 29 in 2 months, I'm ready now. I keep seeing itty bitty babies at work and my uterus squeals "aww! How cute! I want one!" I see pregnant ladies and think "I can't wait for that!"

I guess I just need to keep trying to focus on myself, being healthier, losing weight and just keep trying. And hoping.


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