Success or failure

I finally realized that I can do one of two things; set myself up for success or for failure. Lately I've been setting myself up to fail. For awhile now actually. So I've decided that I need to change that. Last week I jointed weight watchers online. My friend at work is doing it and having great results. I've done it in the past and I know it works. I only went to the gym once last week and wasn't so on top of my eating. I was back up to 223. Well I've been working hard this week and I went to the gym Monday and tonight and I'm already back at 119! Hopefully by Saturday I get to at least 118! Just to feel like I'm making real progress. I just need to stick with it, keep working out and eating healthy, make it a habit, part of my routine, and I know I'll see the results. I love the way I feel after going to the gym. I'm aiming for 3 days this week and 4 days next week. Once I find a rhythm of what works with my work schedule it will be a lot smoother and easy to fit in the gym time. Like today I worked, went to the gym, then by the grocery store. I stocked up on lean cuisine and smartones. I got a bunch and filled the freezer in our garage fridge, so I have no excuses. I have plenty of yummy looking healthy meals! I felt productive, much better then just coming straight home from work and eating crap and sitting on the couch watching tv. But yesterday I didn't end up getting off work until 9:30 pm and had to work early today, I was tired and didn't end up going to the gym. I should have known better and gone in the morning. Oh well. Live and learn and make better choices.
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Being an adult

We used to buy certain things, like trash bags, toilet paper, paper towels, at Costco. They lasted and the price was good. Well there isn't a Costco very close to us and we've been trying to shop mainly at a local grocery store that we have an employee discount card at because of Josh's job. We save money and earn rewards. Well it's great for the usual groceries, but we were really missing the Costco stuff. It lasted longer and worked better (the discount only applies to the store brand products which we went thrilled with in the paper towel, toilet paper, trash bag categories). Well I got my renewal letter in the mall for Costco and since we haven't been in over 6 months I brought up the idea of SAMs club. It's 2 miles away and is very similar to Costco. Well josh had never been in one and wasn't so thrilled with the idea. I dragged him in there today and he was pretty surprised. His first comment was that it looked just like Costco. We got a membership and spent some money there. I think it will be good!

But anyways this whole thing stated with us being down to the last 2 rolls of paper towels. I used the last one on the roll and went to the garage to find more. Finding only 2 more rolls prompted the "hey SAMs or Costco?" conversation. It got me thinking. Growing up if I used the last paper towel there were always more in the cabinet above the pantry. If I used the last of the toilet paper there was always more under the sink or I'm the cabinet (depending on which bathroom I was in). There was always dish soap under the sink and hand soap at every sink in the house. There was laundry detergent on the shelf above the washer when i was old enough to do my own laundry. There were clean towels and clean sheets in the hall closet. These things were always just there. I never even thought about it. My little brother and I had chores; keep our rooms clean and mine was to do the dishes, I don't remember what his was. But outside of that our house was always clean. The sinks, counter, showers, baths, and floors were always clean. Everything was always in its place (my mom was kind of an anal clean freak). My mom made sure everything was always done. The house was clean, our lunches where made for school and dinners where made. Dinners were usually very simple because me and my brother were VERY picky, but non the less dinner was there. She did all this while working and raising 2 young children, an older daughter and an older step daughter. And a husband who was barley ever home. She made it seem so easy. It made me realize how hard it being an adult! I barley keep up with these things and I don't even have kids yet! I really need to get better at keeping our house cleaned up and staying on top of everything. I need to get into a routine and keep up with it before we have keeps, so it will be easier to keep up with the housework once we have kids! Being an adult is hard work!


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Epic fail

I've been doing so good this week and then today sucked. For some reason work was just really hard today. By 8pm when the store closed I was just done. Its been a long week and today was just the icing on the cake. There wasn't any one thing in particular, I guess it was just a lot of little things that built up all week. Like on Wednesday when I had to do my old job. For the second week in a row. I'm was on a different department for almost a year and half and I was so done, for a few different reasons, there's a new person in that department along with the lady I worked with in that department whose been there much longer then me, yet they can't get there job done. So I had to pick up the slack and do it for them. I was ticked off about it. And one of our assistant managers (whom I'm friends with) was helping me and she was like "it's BS. But you know she (meaning the lady whose been in that department for years) only does like 5% of the work, you had to do the rest and since the new girl is still learning your still having to do all her work" Yep. It's that bad. Everyone knows it but our store manager doesn't do anything about it.

Anyways...enough venting...for now. I had planned on going to the gym after work and by the time we closed I just needed a drink. You know that feeling? Well by the time we were done cleaning up after closing it was after 9 and I was beyond needing a drink. I needed a whole bottle of wine. I needed to be drunk. Not drunk in the slutty college girl way, but drunk enough to forget about the shitty week and enjoy some mindless TV shows. So I went to the liquor store after work. I needed wine. And because I live in Utah that doesn't mean the corner gas station on the way home. That means going out of my way, the opposite way from home, to the State liquor store. And of course there machine for debit and credit is down so they can only take cash or check. Well it's 2012 and I'm not an old lady so I don't carry my check book. Nor do I have any cash, like ever. So I hop back into my car and drive thru the ATM at the nearest bank, and get charged a $2 fee because it's not my bank. I finally get my booze, a box of mascoto. Aren't I classy? And by that point I'm like fuck it. I'm getting yummy food. I got 5 guys. Bacon burger and fries. It was so yummy. And I feel like I deserved it. But I still feel kinda guilty about it. Oh well. Tomorrows another day. Right now it's time for another glass of wine and an episode of gossip girl!


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It's all about me

I've committed to making myself a priority. To focusing on myself and doing what I need to do, to be healthy and happy. In the past I've made excuses. I've been lazy. I was "too busy" that day to fit in a workout so I didn't. My husband didn't want to eat healthy food, so I didn't. The laundry needed to be done, dinner needed to be cooked, we had tv shows to watch. I was too tired after work. I didn't want to get up early to work out. All excuses. So I got no where. I've been wanting to lose weight and get in shape for a long time and I've been focused on it since april. And I've lost about 10 pounds. I haven't tried very hard. The past few months flew by and I realized HELLO! It's September and you still fat! If I would have stuck to a plan, eaten healthy an workout out regularly I'd be so much closer to my goal then I am now. Hell, that's 5 months, I probably could have reached my goals by now. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months right before my eyes, it flew by. And I realized if I do what I know I need to do, workout and eat healthy, time will fly by. Days will turn into weeks and weeks into months and it will be a blur. And before I know it it'll be christmas, and I can look back on the past few months (between know and then) and say "oh I wish I would have worked harder to reach my goals" or I can say "wow that went by so fast! How do I look in my skinny jeans?!"

So it's all about me. I'm focusing on myself. I changed gyms and I've been going with a friend from work. I went a few times last week and I've gone tues, wed, and tonight. I got off work at 9 and still went to the gym! I'm very proud of myself! And I already feel like I have more energy. I'm getting things done around the house and making dinner most nights. Josh is very understanding about it and isn't complaining. I think he's enjoying more video game time! I've also been eating better!

So hopefully when Christmas gets here I'll say "wow that flew by, why the hell didn't I do that sooner!"


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