Happy New Year!

It's 10 pm and for the first time in as long as I can remember I'm not staying up until midnight. And for the first time in a very long time I'm not drinking. I just climbed into bed and plan on being asleep shortly. The exhaustion I've heard about hasn't set in yet, but I'm definitely more tired then I normally am. And I have to be at work at 8:45 tomorrow, if I could sleep in I might try to stay up, but I don't mind! It's so worth it! I did have a glass of sparkling grape juice (in my wine glass!):






It was yummy! I'm so glad the 2012 is over and I'm welcoming 2013 with open arms! I'm so excited and I know that it's going to be an amazing year! This time next year we'll have a little one to celebrate New Years with!

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4 weeks!

I took another digital test on Saturday night. I was going to do it on Sunday morning, but I couldn't wait. I might use the last digital test on Wednesday morning before I go in for the blood draw, but at this point I pretty much don't doubt that I'm pregnant. I mean there's still a very small fear that maybe the blood test will say that I'm not, or that it could be a chemical pregnancy, or something else could go wrong, but for the most part I'm sure. I'm officially late. AF should have arrived today at the latest. And I usually have spotting anywhere from a few days to a week before AF and I didn't have any sorting this cycle. I also feel different. My sense if smell is crazy! I can see it becoming an issue if I get morning sickness. Everything smells stronger and I can smell things I never noticed before. I also have to pee all the time. I thought that wouldn't come until later in pregnancy, but I was wrong. And sometimes I have to pee so bad and then I go and I barley pee! It's annoying! I've also been feeling a little crampy, but different then period cramps. And my boobs feel huge! And I feel bloated.

As soon as I got the positive test I went to the store and bought some healthier food. I try to eat decently, but I have to admit overall our eating habits aren't so great (which is a contributing factor to me gaining 50 pounds since we got married) so I've been really trying to eat healthier. I think about it before I eat it an I want to eat as healthy as I can for myself and for the baby. I'm trying to make sure I eat breakfast (which I don't usually do) and trying to eat smaller meals with healthy snacks in between.

During the past year I got really down about not getting pregnant. I wasn't happy. And when I'm not happy I gain weight. Food soothes me, makes me feel better. So it seemed like I was never full. I was always thinking about my next meal, what yummy thing I could eat. It was a real struggle. I knew I was gaining weight and I tried diets and working out, but being unhappy was holding me back from losing weight. Well now I'm happy! And my eating has already changed. I try to make healthy choices, and I stop eating before I get too full. Today we went out to eat and I ordered a chicken wrap and fries. We shared a chip and dip appetizer. Normally I would have finished everything and had a few beers, today I ate 1/2 of the wrap, and not even 1/2 of the fries. And I was full. It was food I normally would have loved, but it was just ok. I figure that I need to eat as healthy as I can when I can because if I get morning sickness, food aversions, or cravings later on at least I will have done what I can now. Does that make sense. I'm definitely not taking the whole "I'm pregnant, eating for 2, I can eat whatever I want" approach. I'm already over weight so I need to do whatever I can to keep my weight under control and only gain a healthy, necessary amount of weight.

I can't wait till Wednesday for the blood test! And I'm hoping they can give me some referrals for ob-gyns. And then I need to make an ob-gyn appointment!


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Telling Josh

So last night I got home from work and put the food I picked up on my way home into the kitchen an ran upstairs to change and test. I did the digital test, changed, looked at it and it still had the little spinning hour glass, so I put my hair up and waited a minute and then looked again...holy shit!


I was so excited I was shaking! I grabbed the book I had gotten Josh and put the test into my sweatshirt pocket. I wanted to do it a little different but my mom and josh were both in the kitchen and I said oh I forgot to give you one of your presents, here open it. So he did and he was like "does this mean your pregnant?" And I showed him and my mom the test and we were all excited. But they were both a little unsure about the results. My mom saying she read online that the hormones and meds I took can give a false positive, I tried to explain it to her and tell her that I tested the hcg out of my system, but she wasn't really understanding it. And Josh says he'll get excited once its confirmed by the blood test. He doesn't want to get all excited and have the test be wrong. Well I KNOW I'm pregnant. I will feel more at ease about it once its confirmed by the blood test, but I'm excited! 2013 is going to be an amazing year!!! I'm so happy that I get to toast the new year with sparking cider!

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In shock

It's not truly official until I have my blood draw on the 2nd but seeing that one little word makes me a happy girl!

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The moment that rocked my world

This morning I had a moment that completely rocked my world (in a good way). I've been testing each morning and its been negative. I got up this morning and went in to the bathroom, tested, I glanced at the test and saw the control line coming up bright but didn't see a second line yet, I got into the shower and spent the whole time thinking that it didn't work. That I wasn't pregnant. What were we going to do? We don't have money to do IVF and if IUI doesn't work that's the only thing I can imagine working, or using donor sperm but I know josh wouldn't be ok with that. I was so disappointed and then I thought maybe it could still happen, maybe it's just still to early. I really have had "symptoms" really just feeling things I haven't felt before (like a pinching feeling a few times, and my boobs are even bigger then usually). So then I got out of the shower and glanced at the test and thought "oh my god!" I could see a second line, I hurried and put my contacts in thinking maybe I was imaging it. Nope. There was a VERY faint, but definitely there, second line! Omg! I was jumping up and down and crying. I seriously can't believe it! I compared it to yesterday's negative and there was definitely a line that on today's. I compared it to the tests when it was still detecting the hcg and the line was about the same, maybe a little bit lighter on today's test. I almost ran into the bedroom to show josh and make sure I was seeing a line but I didn't. I want to test again tomorrow and if the line is darker I want to give him the book I bought. I want to surprise him. I wrapped the book in Christmas paper and I'm going to say that I forgot to give him one if his presents. Than he'll open it and know. I want to buy some blank bibs at work today and put "I love nana" on one for my mom. And make an "I love my uncle" one for my brother, and "I love my auntie" on one for my brothers fiancé and one for my sister. And also make a little something for my grandma! I would send then home with my mom but ask her to wait until after my blood draw on the 2nd. I know you should wait until 12 weeks, but I've waited a year and a half for this baby and I can't wait to tell everyone! I know that could blow up in my face is something goes wrong and I'll have to explain to everyone. But I'm willing to take that chance.

I'm seriously in disbelief and shock right now. I keep going back and looking at the test to make sure that I really saw a line and that I'm not crazy. Holy shit. I'm not ready to say I'm pregnant just yet, I need to see another test with a line, a line that gets darker, before I'm ready to admit it to myself. I might even test tonight when I get home from work. I seriously can't believe this! My world is about to change in big ways!!! Yay!


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Thoughts

Merry Christmas! We had a really nice day today! My mom and I got up and watched TV for a little bit before my in laws got here from the hotel they are staying at nearby. Then I made a little snack of pigs on a blanket (mini hotdogs wrapped in crescent rolls) and tater tots, its one of Josh's favorite snack food and what he wanted. Then we opened presents. Josh loved the electronic dart board I got him and he got me this huge bookcase from ikea that I've been wanting for my craft room (and eventually it'll be perfect in a babies room or playroom). Then I made dinner. I made a ham, baked potato casserole, rolls, stuffing, and a salad. I had green beans to make but forgot. Oh well. We all ate way too much and have tons of leftovers. Everyone was so thankful for the meal and the fact that I cooked it (neither my mom or my mother in law cook at all).

The downside...I got a negative this morning, which isn't really surprised seeing how early it is, only 9dpiui, but still disappointing. And now I've convinced myself that it didn't work. That I'm not pregnant. I just want it so bad and I know if I get my hopes up even the slightest bit that I'm going to be SO disappointed, devastated really when I find out I'm not preggo. So I'm trying to be logical I guess and prepare myself for the worst. I still have a little hope that maybe, just maybe, I'm pregnant. I'm torn between continuing to test and just waiting a few days before I test again. It's not like I have a lack of tests, I've ordered OPKs twice and they came with 10 pregnancy tests each time and I have a box of 3 clear blue easy digital tests. I really really really want to be able to take one of those and see "pregnant" appear across the screen. Like so bad.


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Negative

The last few days there's been a very faint second line on the tests but this morning it was truly negative. So the trigger shot is officially out of my system. Now I'm just hoping a second line starts showing up again! But after seeing that negative this morning it kind of got me down about things. I want to be pregnant so bad, but I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not, so when I'm not it won't be a shock. This just sucks. I just want to fast forward a few days and get a positive! This waiting is hard. I just want it so bad. I doubt even if I am that I'll get a positive tomorrow...I'm hoping by 12dpiui it's positive!!!


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