This morning I had a moment that completely rocked my world (in a good way). I've been testing each morning and its been negative. I got up this morning and went in to the bathroom, tested, I glanced at the test and saw the control line coming up bright but didn't see a second line yet, I got into the shower and spent the whole time thinking that it didn't work. That I wasn't pregnant. What were we going to do? We don't have money to do IVF and if IUI doesn't work that's the only thing I can imagine working, or using donor sperm but I know josh wouldn't be ok with that. I was so disappointed and then I thought maybe it could still happen, maybe it's just still to early. I really have had "symptoms" really just feeling things I haven't felt before (like a pinching feeling a few times, and my boobs are even bigger then usually). So then I got out of the shower and glanced at the test and thought "oh my god!" I could see a second line, I hurried and put my contacts in thinking maybe I was imaging it. Nope. There was a VERY faint, but definitely there, second line! Omg! I was jumping up and down and crying. I seriously can't believe it! I compared it to yesterday's negative and there was definitely a line that on today's. I compared it to the tests when it was still detecting the hcg and the line was about the same, maybe a little bit lighter on today's test. I almost ran into the bedroom to show josh and make sure I was seeing a line but I didn't. I want to test again tomorrow and if the line is darker I want to give him the book I bought. I want to surprise him. I wrapped the book in Christmas paper and I'm going to say that I forgot to give him one if his presents. Than he'll open it and know. I want to buy some blank bibs at work today and put "I love nana" on one for my mom. And make an "I love my uncle" one for my brother, and "I love my auntie" on one for my brothers fiancé and one for my sister. And also make a little something for my grandma! I would send then home with my mom but ask her to wait until after my blood draw on the 2nd. I know you should wait until 12 weeks, but I've waited a year and a half for this baby and I can't wait to tell everyone! I know that could blow up in my face is something goes wrong and I'll have to explain to everyone. But I'm willing to take that chance.
I'm seriously in disbelief and shock right now. I keep going back and looking at the test to make sure that I really saw a line and that I'm not crazy. Holy shit. I'm not ready to say I'm pregnant just yet, I need to see another test with a line, a line that gets darker, before I'm ready to admit it to myself. I might even test tonight when I get home from work. I seriously can't believe this! My world is about to change in big ways!!! Yay!
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