Trying

This isn't a "thankful" post. It's just a post about what I'm thinking about. I have high hopes for this month, I want it to be "the" month, the month we get pregnant. We've been "trying" for a few months. I say "trying" because it's been more like just not preventing. Last month I was gone for almost 3 weeks so of course it didn't happen, buti was still bummed when AF reared her ugly head. I just want it so badly. I'm ready to be a mom, to make Josh a daddy, to be a family of 3. It would be awesome to be able to tell my mom and in-laws that we're pregnant at Christmas. It would be the gratest and most amazing gift ever if I could be pregnant at Christmas! Im starting to get much belly envy and baby envy when I see pregnant bellies and new ittybitty babies. It hurts my heart, I try to remind myself that I don't know what they went through to be pregnant or have that baby, they couldnhave one through years of trying, doctors and fertility treatments. I truly hope that we won't need that, but I'm terrified that we will. It scares me to think "what if we do everything right, keep trying month after month, doing "it" at just the right times and nothing happens?" it terrifies me. But I'm hopeful, I have faith that God has a plan, I just hope that a healthy baby in the near future is in His plan. Here's to November!