29

I turned 29 this last Thursday and I am in a major funk. For some reason I was really upset about turning 29. It's my last year in my 20's and I don't feel like I'm where I want to be. For 1 I thought we'd have a baby by now, or I'd at least be nearing the end of a pregnancy. But it wasn't only that. Leading up to my birthday I was thinking a lot about my early 20's, how happy, carefree, outgoing and fun loving I was. I haven't been comfortable with myself for a few years, in fact the last time I can remember being happy with myself and felt confident and good about myself was when I was 25. 26 wasn't too bad, but I had gained a little weight and even though I was happy with myself I wish I had lost weight before our wedding. From there I gained more weight and became more and more unhappy with myself. I want my life back. I want to look in the mirror and see me, not this fat unhappy version of myself. I want to want and enjoy going out. Having fun. I hate going places now because I feel horrible in anything I wear and uncomfortable. Everything takes more effort and more energy then it used to and I know its because I'm out of shape. So I decided that I want to make this next year, my last year of my 20's, the year of me. I'm working on a list of things I want to do before I turn 30. And I want to find myself, the thin, happy, healthy, outgoing, fun loving girl I used to be. I want to wear all the cute clothes I already own and enjoy shopping for new clothes again! I want to go hiking, bowling, mini golfing and all that fun stuff. I'd love to attempt to learn to snowboard this winter. I want to enter my 30's at my healthiest and happiest! I want to look forward to my future instead of daydreaming about my past. I want the outside me to match the person hidden inside, the person who wants all of this but is held back by the fat. Mainly I just want to be me again.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad