Breastfeeding

I've been having a hard time getting J to nurse for over month. Sometimes he'd nurse just fine but most of the time he just wasn't interested. At first I thought it was a nursing strike, I stuck with it and after a few days it got better. Then it got worse again. I have some frozen milk so I started giving him that in a sippy cup and he took it well, but I didn't have enough to get us to a year. So I talked to our pedi last week and he said we could start milk. I try to nurse him first thing in the morning and once or twice throughout the day and at bedtime but he just doesn't want to. Usually first thing in the morning he nurses well, the rest of the day he has his sippy cup and is perfectly happy with that. Usually he's excited about nursing first thing in the morning he pulls out his pacifier and gets excited. Well this morning he refused to nurse. He got excited, pulled out his bink and once he started nursing he pulled away and looked at me like I was crazy and grabbed his bink and put it back in his mouth. I tried again after his nap, he grabbed my boob, pushed it away and looked at me like I was crazy. He wanted nothing to do with it. He didn't nurse one single time today. Over the past few days, each time he nursed, I thought "this could be the last time." So I've savores those moments. I'm happy to have my body back. I've struggled to lose weight while breastfeeding and now I can focus on that before we start trying for baby #2. I can have a girls night! I can easily leave him with my mom for a date night with Josh! BUT no matter how hard I try to convince myself I'm not, I'm sad. I already miss it. I want him to wake up and I want to nurse him back to sleep. My baby isn't a baby anymore and I miss it...but I also love who he is right now and the stage he's in right now. I know I'm not done having babies so, god willing, I will be able to nurse another baby (or 2) and that eases the sadness. I guess I just can't believe that it's over. It feels like his babyhood is over. He's becoming such a little boy. I love it, I really do, but I miss that tiny baby he was. I never knew breastfeeding would mean so much to me or that it would make me feel this way. I am so thankful for the almost 12 months that my body was able to provide nutrition for my baby. And the bond that was formed from that. I'm proud of myself and of my body. Ok...I'm going to go drown my sorrows in ice cream now.


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Fever

Jackson has had a fever on and off since Tuesday afternoon (it's Monday now so almost a week). I kept saying "if he's not better tomorrow I'll call the doctor and make an appointment". Well every morning he seemed better and then later in the day he'd have a fever, and some of the days he didn't and was fine. Friday and Saturday he was ok but yesterday the fever came back to 102.6 and he wasn't himself. This morning his temp was 99.0 which isn't bad but it had gone on too long so I called and made an appointment. We went in and saw a different dr then we usually see and I really liked him. He was really nice and cute too ;). Anyways J looks great. Ears, throat, lungs are all clear. Dr thinks it just must be something his body is fighting off. Since his fever was lower this morning he's hoping it's over and the fever will go away. He just said to keep a close eye on him. We've been really struggling with nursing lately. Sometimes he just doesn't want to nurse. I've been thawing my frozen milk and giving it to him in sippy cups and he drinks it really well but I don't have enough frozen milk to get us to his first birthday. I've been nursing him first thing in the am, before his naps and at bedtime but he usually only nurses well first thing in the morning. Well I talked to the dr and he said it's fine to start giving him whole milk. So I'm going to keep nursing first thing in the morning and before bed but cut out daytime nursing and just to sippy cups. I'm going to get some whole milk and start mixing it in with breastmilk. I did talk to him about how J was sensitive to dairy and it used to upset his tummy but he's had cheese and dairy and it hasn't bothered him so he said go ahead and start whole milk and see how he does and if it seems to upset his tummy then we can talk again and see.

I'm sad and happy to start weaning. I know I will miss it, but I'm excited to have my body back.


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11 months!

Holy cow Jackson is 11 months old today!!! How and when did that happen?!?! He's growing up way too fast! Sometimes I look at him and think he looks so much like a little boy, and other times still like my little baby! I can't even believe that in one month he will be a year old. We did his 1 year photos last weekend, with selling the house and moving back to ca and everything going on right now I just wanted to make sure I got them done so we did them a little early. It was fun! We did a cake smash and he LOVED the cake. I can't wait to see the pictures!

At 11 months Jackson is crawling like crazy! He pulling up on everything and has gotten so much more stable with pulling up and standing over the past month. He's also learned to be careful when he sits back down. It's so funny to watch him! He's learning cause and effect, like when he drops something it falls on the ground and someone will pick it up for him. Now when I say "do you want milk/water/food" he pulls his bink out (and now usually throws it).


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Whole 30 day 6 = FAIL

So I completely fell off the whole 30 wagon...I had been doing so good too.

We had showing yesterday and had to be out of the house from 2-4. So I attempted to get J to take a later morning nap then usual. Then I found out the girl that was going to make J's cake for his 1st bday pictures THIS Saturday probably won't be able to make the cake...ahhhh. And there was a shirt I really wanted for J's pictures so we decided to go to trolley square to go to american appeal to get it. My mom and I went there and josh went to renew his car registration then he wanted to meet up for a late lunch/early dinner. He wanted chilis. By this point it was after 2pm and I was so hungry. And I was craving a dr pepper. So I ordered a dr pepper and then caved and ordered fajitas...with flour tortialls and you better believe I used sour cream, cheese and rice. Then my mom and I went and got sub zero ice cream and once we got home I had wine.

Hopefully I got it all out of my system and I'm starting over again starting today. So annoying!

It's also really hard to do this diet without any real support or someone doing it with you. My mom is of course encouraging of me, but she says she's going to do it but she just complains about all the things she can't have. And josh pretty much just teases me about it. I wish josh would do it with me, that would make it so much easier.


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Whole 30 day 4

No pictures today.

For breakfast I had scrabbled egg whites (I forgot to buy eggs yesterday) and carrots.
For lunch I had sesame chicken salad (same as yesterday's dinner) but I added sunflower seeds. Yummy!
For dinner I had speghetti with meat sauce with zucchini noodles. It was good! I added 2 small onions to the meat and have enough meat mix to make tacos!

I kinda felt guilty when I was eating dinner, even though it wasn't as good as with real pasta noodles, I still felt like I was cheating even though I wasn't! I guess that's a good thing?!


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Whole 30 day 3

I didn't take pictures of my meals today. We were supposed to have a showing from 1-2 so we had to be out of the house. I had scrambled eggs with bacon and some carrots for breakfast. I spent the morning cleaning the house and then grabbed a larabar as we headed out the door. I had intended to eat a better lunch but it didn't happen so at least I had a larabar to grab. We shopped and then came home. Turns out they didn't even show our house :(. Boo. For dinner I had a big salad with chicken, black olives and sesame dressing. The dressing has soybean oil so it's not actually whole 30 approved, oops. But it was really good. And healthy. And then I had some strawberries and Rainer cherries for a snack! Yummy!

I weighed myself this morning and it was better then I was expecting. Not a good number at all but I was expecting worse. I thought at the very least it would be 215, but realistically after being on vacation last week and not working out for 2 weeks I was expecting to see 220. I was pleasantly surprised to see 212! Here are pictures I took today. I can't wait to compare at the end of these 30 days and (hopefully) see a big difference!









I don't actually have a full length mirror in our house, well my mom had one in her room in the basement, but I have never been happy with myself in the 3 years we've lived here and so I've never boughten a full length mirror for our house. So these will have to do.

I'm already feeling better about myself though. Slimmer and healthier, although when I look in the mirror I'm reminded that I have a long way to go. But if I'm already feeling better on day 3 I can't imagine how I'll feel on day 30!!!



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Whole 30 day 2

Today was day 2. Here's what I ate


Breakfast was scrambled eggs with bacon mixed in and about 2 cups of carrots. I put the carrots in a bag so I could eat them on the way to stroller strides and I didn't actually finish them until after stroller strides.
For lunch I used the rest of the taco meat (ground beef, bell peppers and onions) to make a salad with lettuce and the chipotle ranch dressing. It was really good.
Dinner was a hamburger salad and sweet potatoes fries! I found a paleo ketchup at whole foods, it might not be completely whole 30 approved, but I love my ketchup.
For dessert I had some strawberries!



I'm slowly decreasing the amount of creamer I'm using in my coffee in hopes of being able to drink it black since you aren't supposed to have creamer. So I'm not technically following the whole 30 100% yet. I'm hoping I'll still have good results.

One of the hardest things has been not having cheese! It's been hard to not put it on my scrambled eggs, on the tacos, my salad and my burger. I don't really miss it once I'm eating the food though. I'm also still wanting to snack, out of habit, but the food I'm eating is keeping me full enough to not give in to the snacking temptation/craving.

I'm really hoping this plus stroller strides 3 days a week will help me lose weight before we move back to CA!


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Whole 30

So I've decided to do the whole 30. I heard about from a girl at stroller strides and then read the book she recommended, "It starts with food". It makes a lot of sense to me after reading the book and I know my diet is a big issue when it comes to not being able to lose weight. When I say diet I mean what I eat not diet like "I'm going on a diet." More like my diet is crappy, I eat a high carb, high sugar, lots of junk food diet. Anyways, the whole 30 isn't supposed to be a weight lose diet, it's what I would call a healthy food makeover plan I guess. But if you are overweight one of the effects of the diet will be weight loss.

I started it yesterday and I am going to try to post daily to hold myself accountable for what I'm eating and make sure I'm sticking to it.

Here's what I ate yesterday:



For breakfast I had scrambled eggs with bell peppers and spinach, and strawberries.
Lunch was a salad from whole foods while we were out running errands.
Dinner was tacos on lettuce. Just seasoned ground beef with bell peppers and onions with chipotle ranch (whole 30 approved recipe) on top.
For snacks I had some bake dried mango and almonds. I also had a few strawberries before bed.

I know you aren't supposed to weigh yourself on this but I'm going to because I'm hoping to lose weight and that will keep me motivated! I'm thinking I'll probably just weigh myself on Fridays so a week from today. I didn't weigh myself today so I'll have to do it tomorrow morning.

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Pneumonia

Jackson has Pneumonia. Saturday we left Carpinteria after spending a week there on vacation. After being in the car all day and in traffic for 2 hours before getting to our hotel he was so tired and upset. We went and ate quickly at the buffet and then got to our room. I bathed him and he got upset and had a hard time settling back down. He woke up a few times and was a little warm, but I didn't think anything of it. Sunday we headed out for the rest of our drive home and when we stopped in the afternoon he was warm and fussy. I figured maybe he was teething. I gave him Tylenol in the car and he slept. We got into town just as we were going to have showing of our home so we had to stay gone longer. So we met josh at target and then went and ate. He was warm and I gave him Motrin and put him to bed. He woke up in the middle of the night really warm. I gave him more Motrin and put a cool wash cloth on his head. It was hot in his room so I turned down the air temp and turned in the fan in his room. Once his room was cooler I put him to bed and he slept well the rest of the night and slept in. Monday he was still warm but mainly his happy self. We had to go out for another showing and he was pretty happy. Once we got home he fell asleep on my lap and was just really sleepy and once he woke up he was really lethargic. He just wanted to lay there. I was going to try to give him some dinner and I took him upstairs to change his diaper first and he was kind of shaking and shallow breathing. I laid with him next to josh on our bed and started to get really worried about him. So I took him back downstairs for my mom to hold him and see if I was just overreacting about how he was acting. She was immediately worried so we decided to take him to the ER since the pedi was already closed. Josh had to work tonight so he had to get a few things done and then he'd met us at the hospital. We got there and j was just so out of it. Poor baby was miserable. We got called back by the triage guy and he weighed J and then had us go into a room so he could get J's temp with a rectal thermometer. I was watching the digital screen and the number just kept going up. It was 105.3! I didn't even know you could get a temp that high. Last time I had checked it at home it had been 99 something. Holy shit! My heart broke for him and I was so worried. He was really nice and told me "it's ok, we'll get it down. We'll take care of him." He took is back to a room and the nurse came in and then a dr. Luckily my mom was with me and could tell them what was going on because I was crying. I felt so bad for him. They gave him Tylenol and Ibuprofen and then the dr examined him and after listening the his chest ordered a chest xray. He was a very very tiny bit congested and I honestly didn't even think anything about it because he's that way pretty often. She said she wanted to make sure it wasn't Pneumonia. We waited awhile and he started to feel a little better as the meds brought the fever down. Josh came by shortly before he had to go to work. They took the chest X-ray. It was horrible, but only lasted a minute. There's a special table with holes for the babies legs and then these clear pieces that go up around the baby around their body and hold their hands up in the air. J hated it. Here's a picture I found online of the chair thing



The dr came back about 20 minutes later and said she could the start of pneumonia on his lungs so she said she's give him amoxicillin and were lucky we caught it so quickly and can start the amox so soon. That way he won't have the other symptoms (breathing issues etc.) pneumonia usually causes.

J was more like himself by the time we left the hospital. We came home, I bathed him and put him to bed. I was expecting a rough night. J woke up quite a few times and I brought him into bed with me and cuddled with him and then once he was asleep I'd put him back into his room. We did that a few times and then in the early morning I brought him to bed and we slept there a few more hours. He was mostly sleepy and slept on me or my mom all day. By evening he was more himself.

Wednesday he was pretty much back to himself! He woke up cool, not feverish. We had a follow up appointment with his pedi and he said everything looks good, just keep up with the amox. They weighed him and he's 22.5 oz now! He's gained over 1 lb since his 9 month well check. We went to the grocery store then home and he napped. He was his happy silly self. Except after I put him to bed he woke up about an hour later and was crying so hard and just so upset. He wouldn't nurse. I let him lay in our bed for awhile and then finally I just went into his room and rocked him until he fell asleep.

Today we went to his little gym class and he was his happy self. He still seems a little more sleepy then usual but overall back to himself. Tonight he did the same thing as last night at bed time, he woke up about an hour after being put to bed. All day today I've had a really hard time nursing him. He just doesn't want to nurse. He screams and pulls away from me. He did it tonight too. First josh went in there and tried to rock him, no go. Then I went and tried and he wouldn't have it. So I brought him into our bed and tried to nurse him again but he wouldn't. He laid in our bed for a little while before I put him back in his crib. He moved around a bit and then finally fell asleep. Hopefully he'll stay asleep!

Sick sleepy baby (earlier in the day before we went to the ER):





In the hospital once he was feeling a little better:








Snuggles in the middle of the night in bed with momma:


More snuggles in the morning:


Sleeping on nana:


Finally happy boy again:


And his appetite picked back up!