I've been having a hard time getting J to nurse for over month. Sometimes he'd nurse just fine but most of the time he just wasn't interested. At first I thought it was a nursing strike, I stuck with it and after a few days it got better. Then it got worse again. I have some frozen milk so I started giving him that in a sippy cup and he took it well, but I didn't have enough to get us to a year. So I talked to our pedi last week and he said we could start milk. I try to nurse him first thing in the morning and once or twice throughout the day and at bedtime but he just doesn't want to. Usually first thing in the morning he nurses well, the rest of the day he has his sippy cup and is perfectly happy with that. Usually he's excited about nursing first thing in the morning he pulls out his pacifier and gets excited. Well this morning he refused to nurse. He got excited, pulled out his bink and once he started nursing he pulled away and looked at me like I was crazy and grabbed his bink and put it back in his mouth. I tried again after his nap, he grabbed my boob, pushed it away and looked at me like I was crazy. He wanted nothing to do with it. He didn't nurse one single time today. Over the past few days, each time he nursed, I thought "this could be the last time." So I've savores those moments. I'm happy to have my body back. I've struggled to lose weight while breastfeeding and now I can focus on that before we start trying for baby #2. I can have a girls night! I can easily leave him with my mom for a date night with Josh! BUT no matter how hard I try to convince myself I'm not, I'm sad. I already miss it. I want him to wake up and I want to nurse him back to sleep. My baby isn't a baby anymore and I miss it...but I also love who he is right now and the stage he's in right now. I know I'm not done having babies so, god willing, I will be able to nurse another baby (or 2) and that eases the sadness. I guess I just can't believe that it's over. It feels like his babyhood is over. He's becoming such a little boy. I love it, I really do, but I miss that tiny baby he was. I never knew breastfeeding would mean so much to me or that it would make me feel this way. I am so thankful for the almost 12 months that my body was able to provide nutrition for my baby. And the bond that was formed from that. I'm proud of myself and of my body. Ok...I'm going to go drown my sorrows in ice cream now.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
No comments:
Post a Comment