I feel like waiting is the story of my life lately. Things are taking longer then they should with the house. The loan is still not approved and we are still waiting to hear from the seller about fixing a few things that need to be fixed. 2 of the burners on the stove don't work, the dishwasher doesn't work, and 3 of the windows don't open, not huge things, but things that have to be fixed for the type of loan we are getting, so they have to approve them for the loan to be approved I guess. And we are supposed to close in less then 2 weeks. We are supposed to hear something tomorrow and hopefully it will be good news! I really hope this doesn't push our closing back, and if it does then no more then a week back because my mom is coming to visit on May 14 for a week! And it would be really sad if we don't close by then since she's coming to see the house...not to mention complicate things since we have no where for her to stay because we plan on her being able to stay in her little basement apartment! So we're waiting.
Another area of waiting...to have a baby...once we got the house the hubby said he thinks we should wait a little while, well he said until my mom moves here which could be as early as October, but maybe not until the end of the year or beginning of next year, and I don't wait to wait that long to start trying to have a baby! I was super pissed. Then we discovered that we are paying twice as much as we though we were going to be for our health insurance now that I'm on his through work. Literally $700 more a month then we'd be paying if it was just him!! We were shocked. And the only way to get me off of it is; 1. death, 2. divorce, 3. i get it through my job. None of those seemed likely when we found out. I had just gotten a job and I was really liking it but full time didn't look like an option so I thought I was going to have to find a new job. I was upset, especially because that money we are throwing away we really need! Well, I got offered a full time department head position at work! To my extreme shock, I didn't see it coming at all. I am hard working when it comes to my job, I don't think I do anything extremely beyond what I'm expected to do but I guess I must be because they let 3 people who where also hired as "part-time/seasonal" like I was go because they didn't have the hours to keep them, and I got offered full time! Woohoo! I am so thankful! And as a full time employee I get (among $4 more an hour, earned vacation time, a much better schedule, every other Saturday off-we're closed on sundays) BENEFITS!!! Not sure how much I will have to pay or exactly when they will kick in (waiting on the enrollment packet from HR which can take up to 45 days to get) but I know it will be much better then what we are paying now! And they offer leave for when we have a baby...but I have to be with the company for 12 months before said leave can be taken. So I can't even get pregnant until at the very earliest July and that would be pushing it, if God forbid I had to take leave early for some reason. This is great and I am so thankful that I was offered this position, but it means I have to WAIT...but I know it will be worth it. So it looks like we won't be able to even start trying until July (which is also our 1 year anniversary).
So for now I've decided to do something I really need to do and wanted to do before getting knocked up but wanted a baby to bad to hold off and babymaking and actually do it, so now that I HAVE to wait, I might as well...lose weight/get in shape! I gain weight easily, especially when I'm unhappy, stressed out, and heck even when I'm happy! It sucks. When I was 18, 19, 20 I was in GREAT shape, going to the gym often, busy going out with friends, working, having fun! I got into a relationship around 21 and slowly stated gaining weight. After a break-up, new relationship (rinse and repeat a few times) I had gained and lost weight quite a few times and came out of it at my heaviest before I started dating my now husband. I had lost about 30 pounds before I started dating him and during the last 3 years since I've been with him, I've gained that plus some back. I hate it. I hate the way I look and feel. I hate that none of my clothes fit. I was losing weight before we got married, but then moving to a new state, getting a new job, and a lot of late night after work fast food ruined that. And now I NEED to change it. So that's the plan for the next few months. I think I'll follow weight watchers and start working out! The working out part will be so much easier when we move into our house and I have space to work out! I have an elliptical that I plan on using once I have the space to use it in! Healthy meals and kick butt workouts here I come!!! Also only having to work 2 late nights a week at work will help with the late night eating I'm sure!
So wish me luck on this, I know I'm going to need it!
Also...I have a goal to start posting more...I'd love to say once a day, but my life is much too boring for that, so I'm going to aim for at LEAST once a week for now! I also want to start posting about the crafty things I do...I LOVE all things crafty; sewing, scrap booking, crocheting, knitting, ect and so I'd like to start posting those things on here! So hopefully one day I'll have followers who will have interesting things to read!
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Sunday, April 24, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Yay!!!
We got the house! I'm beyond excited about it! I can see us living in it, raising our children in it, being happy in it! We should close and get the keys on May 6th! I already have lists of decorating ideas! And I've discovered decorating blogs! Ohhh myyyy...the decorating ideas I have, and we haven't even moved in yet! And the basement is PERFECT for my mom! She's beyond excited and wants to come for a week to see it, help us move, and help me decorate!!! She's 99% sure she's going to move here, but things won't be 100% until the divorce is final. LONG story, my parents are getting divorced, I haven't spoken to my father since the day after my wedding, 8 months ago, and he is no longer a part of my life. No fault of my own, I gave him plenty of chances to tell me his side, which he avoided. He is a liar and a cheater and I had to make the choice to grieve and move on, and I have, but it is still hard because the divorce is being dragged out thanks to him. Anyways... I'm so totally completely in LOVE with our house!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Patience
We didn't get the house and I was truly ok with that. The house was nice but I couldn't truly picture us living in it. My mom might (hopefully) move here before the end of the year and we wanted to have a basement that could potentially be a home for her and that house didn't have it. It was the nicest one we had seen, but it wasn't "the one". So we looked Thursday and saw some town homes we liked and then looked more Saturday and found a house that I LOVE! It's perfect and I can see it as our home. It has a basement with a living room, bedroom, and bathroom perfect for my mom! We made an offer and found our theres one other offer :( boo! So we had to submit our best and final offer and I hope it's good enough to get the house! I'm going to be heart broken if we don't get it and I am trying to be patient but I can't wait to find out! I have faith and I believe that God knows that this will be our home, but it's still hard to be patient! I just want to get the call that says we got it! And the hubby's dad will be in town tomorrow and the next day and he wants to show his dad the house, so hopefully we find out they accepted our offer and he can see it!
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Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Blah!
Blah! That describes my mood today. I have the day off (and tomorrow) and got up earlier then I would have liked to so that I could go to the bank with hubby. We had some checks to deposit and I needed to close my old accounts since were using his now. And since we didn't go to the store last night like we had planned I didn't have creamer for my coffee so I didn't have any coffee...I was not happy. I had a really hard time waking up and was feeling like I was moving in slow motion, and could't focus on anything and had NO patience. So we went to the bank then to the store. I got an iceed coffee but I still feel blah! We also found out that we didn't get the house. They are keeping our offer as a back up offer. I wasn't really surprised and I was kinda relieved. As much as we loved it, it was on the high end of what we want to spend (a little higher honestly). Our monthly payments would be higher then we'd like them to be. So back to looking. We're going to look tomorrow afternoon and hopefully we'll find something we love for less money!
I have a lot to do, but no desire to do anything...guess I should get up off my butt and do something...maybe sewing...not really on my to-do list, but it always makes me feel better! And sounds much better then laundry...which means walking to the laundry room of our apartment complex and it's COLD outside...like there's snow on the ground cold...seriously...laundry can wait till tomorrow...or even Thursday since I don't work until 4 pm that day...wow, I'm being really lazy!
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I have a lot to do, but no desire to do anything...guess I should get up off my butt and do something...maybe sewing...not really on my to-do list, but it always makes me feel better! And sounds much better then laundry...which means walking to the laundry room of our apartment complex and it's COLD outside...like there's snow on the ground cold...seriously...laundry can wait till tomorrow...or even Thursday since I don't work until 4 pm that day...wow, I'm being really lazy!
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Monday, March 7, 2011
Confused and busy!
I got a job! I haven't been working since last May and the past 2 months we have definitely started to feel it financially. So my main goal when we got back from Maui was to find a job! Mainly for retail jobs. I just want an easy job, where I can go to work, do my job, go home and not think about work until my next shift. Something easy, something fun, something I could enjoy and not hate. I hated my last job, it was for a cell phone company and I worked in retail first and loved it, then we moved to New Mexico and I decided to give the tech call center a try...so not for me! Dealing with upset people all day, trying to meet unreachable expectations, it was so stressful to me. I'm kinda a perfectionist when it comes to work and I almost always well exceed the expectations easily, so it was so hard for me, to the point of having anxiety attacks and getting sick (a flair up of something I was diagnosed with as a child after YEARS of being sick, and haven't had any problems since being diagnosed when I was about 11, until that job!). Anyways...I decided to apply at a large craft store that I LOVE. I picked up an application, brought it home, filled it out, took it back the next day and gave it to the co-manager (the store has 2 managers). Within 20 minutes of leaving he called asking if I could come in the next day for an interview (Thursday). I went in and was hired and started the next day at 9am! It's pretty easy and super simple! It's only part, but I'm hoping to work my butt off and get to full time! I worked Friday, Saturday and today (Monday) they are closed on Sunday's! Now I have 2 days off, then work Thursday and Friday afternoon/evenings and the have the weekend off!
On thursday we also started looking at houses! We saw a few and LOVED one of them, it was perfect, but a little more then we wanted to spend, there was another for quite a bit less, that was A LOT older and kinda funky, but we liked it. So even though I LOVED the first one I put it out if my head because I didn't want the hubby to feel pressured into a house we weren't sure we could afford just because I loved it so much. Well I came home Friday to change real quick after work and then head to meet our realtor to see a few more houses and he said something along the lines of : we'll go see what she has to show us today but I really think we should make a move on that first house (the one we LOVE but I thought was slightly out of our range)...WHAT?!? really? I was so happy! So we saw a few more houses but nothing compares to the first one, great neighbor hood, the town we want to live in, everything we are looking for in a house! So we decided to go in Saturday morning to write up our offer and found out there were 7 other offers (and it had only been listed for 7 days)! Wow! We weren't expecting that! But we still made an offer and tried to make it good! We offered more then the asking price and to pay for part of closing costs. We should hear something by Wednesday. My fingers are crossed and I'm hoping and praying we get it, but I'm realistic and still keeping my eye out and checking the MLS to see if anything comes up that we can jump on asap if our offer doesn't get accepted.
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On thursday we also started looking at houses! We saw a few and LOVED one of them, it was perfect, but a little more then we wanted to spend, there was another for quite a bit less, that was A LOT older and kinda funky, but we liked it. So even though I LOVED the first one I put it out if my head because I didn't want the hubby to feel pressured into a house we weren't sure we could afford just because I loved it so much. Well I came home Friday to change real quick after work and then head to meet our realtor to see a few more houses and he said something along the lines of : we'll go see what she has to show us today but I really think we should make a move on that first house (the one we LOVE but I thought was slightly out of our range)...WHAT?!? really? I was so happy! So we saw a few more houses but nothing compares to the first one, great neighbor hood, the town we want to live in, everything we are looking for in a house! So we decided to go in Saturday morning to write up our offer and found out there were 7 other offers (and it had only been listed for 7 days)! Wow! We weren't expecting that! But we still made an offer and tried to make it good! We offered more then the asking price and to pay for part of closing costs. We should hear something by Wednesday. My fingers are crossed and I'm hoping and praying we get it, but I'm realistic and still keeping my eye out and checking the MLS to see if anything comes up that we can jump on asap if our offer doesn't get accepted.
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Monday, February 28, 2011
Decisions, decisions, decisions
We'll me last decision didn't last very long. We went on our (late) honeymoon last week to Maui, yes we planned it that way! It was so great to have our wedding, spend 2 nights in a cottage at the hotel we got married at and then have our real honeymoon 6 months later! I wouldn't want it any other way! I've heard that some people get kinda depressed after the wedding and honeymoon, after all that planning and waiting and looking forward to...and then it's all over. Of course you have your lives together to look forward to, but for couples who are already living together I can see how that could happen. I'm glad we got to settle in as newlyweds (and move to another state in our case) all while looking forward to still having our honeymoon in Maui! It definitely made the stress of the move a lot easier when your looking forward to going to paradise for 8 days!
Back to the point here...I had been willing and ready to stop preventing anything from happening before we even got married! The hubby was not! So I was hoping that he would decide to start trying (or at least stop preventing) when we went to Maui. He wasn't saying no, but he did have points against the idea. First, I haven't been working since last May. I am an independent consultant for Thirty-One gifts and I do have an etsy shop, but I haven't made much. So without my income money is pretty tight, but we decided to wait until we got back from our honeymoon for me to find a job...so that starts this week! Second, he wants to buy a house before we even stop preventing. I can understand his point of view on that. We live in a tiny one bedroom apartment right now, we downsized after living in a very spacious 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment in New Mexico, but we did it so that we can save money to buy a house. We start looking at houses this week and hope to move in to our own home by mid March...so even if I got pregnant on our honeymoon I'd just be finishing up the first trimester when we move in (if all goes as planned on the home buying front)...so while I could understand his view, I kept thinking why the hell not?!?!
I stopped taking the pill, after pretty much 9 years of being on it with a short time being on the shot, in August only because I thought I had one more refill left and I didn't. And so much was going on with figuring out if/when we'd be moving and literally having 2 weeks from the time we knew for sure we'd be moving to Utah to the time the hubby needed to be here...and at the time we were living in 2 different states, me in SoCal and him in NM because we thought he'd be moving back to SoCal...so lets just say getting felt up ect by a dr was not on the top of my to do list! At the time I had been on the pill that you take for 3 months straight before having your period and after going off it my cycles were all screwed up! I had my period and then 2 weeks later another one and then it was over 6 weeks before I had it again. So I decided to stay off the pill to let me cycle go back to normal, mainly because I was convinced the hubby would change his mind and we'd be trying come February when we went to Maui. So condoms it was...with NO chances being taken, on hubby's part not mine. It was looking like we'd still be using those condoms on our honeymoon...so un-romantic! Well someone (or 2 someones in fact) through a major wrench in our honeymoon...my in-laws showed up unexpectedly. They live in SoCal, and yes I am serious. Our last full day was Thursday and they got there Wednesday afternoon. We had planned on spending Thursday relaxing together and enjoying our last day. I was pissed. They did pay for our honeymoon, they are kind hearted sweet people and I am lucky to have them as in-laws. They help us out a lot! But really?!?! Showing up on our honeymoon?!?! Luckily we had dinner plans that night for a highly recommended sushi restaurant and I was so looking forward to it! But I was still pissed. I took a long shower and cried, how could they do this? This is our first vacations together, other then trips home for the holidays, and it was our honeymoon! I tried to push it aside, but after a few drinks and the hubby picking on me, which is normal we pick on each other all the time, but this was not the time, I walked out of the restaurant. That night we had a big fight and then a long talk. He admitted that he realized that he was putting his wants above mine and not considering mine as strongly as he should. He told me that he knew how long I had wanted this and that he had made me put my wants on hold for a long time. He was ready to stop using condoms. WHAT?!?! I was in disbelief! I knew I wasn't only upset about his parents showing up, but also because I had thought we'd be trying for a baby. I was surprised and scared and happy! We finally went to bed cuddling and I was so looking forward to it! We had breakfast with his parents the next morning...went back to the resort to go to the pool, had a few beers and then decided to go up to the room instead of taking a walk on the beach ;). We went to happy hour at the resort restaurant and his parents ended up joining us, and after a few drinks (on our part, not theres) he told them we were no longer going to prevent from getting pregnant. WHAT?!?! Again, I was surprised. We hadn't talked about whether or not we'd share this news, I just guessed I assumed we would, at least for the first month or so. And let's just say his parents are a little older and we have never really talked about stuff like that with them. With my family we talk about pretty much everything, my mom is my best friend and she's knows that I was hoping we'd start trying on our honeymoon, but I did not expect him to be that open, with me sitting right there, with his parents! So of course later that night I had to text my mom and tell her!
Back to the point here...I had been willing and ready to stop preventing anything from happening before we even got married! The hubby was not! So I was hoping that he would decide to start trying (or at least stop preventing) when we went to Maui. He wasn't saying no, but he did have points against the idea. First, I haven't been working since last May. I am an independent consultant for Thirty-One gifts and I do have an etsy shop, but I haven't made much. So without my income money is pretty tight, but we decided to wait until we got back from our honeymoon for me to find a job...so that starts this week! Second, he wants to buy a house before we even stop preventing. I can understand his point of view on that. We live in a tiny one bedroom apartment right now, we downsized after living in a very spacious 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment in New Mexico, but we did it so that we can save money to buy a house. We start looking at houses this week and hope to move in to our own home by mid March...so even if I got pregnant on our honeymoon I'd just be finishing up the first trimester when we move in (if all goes as planned on the home buying front)...so while I could understand his view, I kept thinking why the hell not?!?!
I stopped taking the pill, after pretty much 9 years of being on it with a short time being on the shot, in August only because I thought I had one more refill left and I didn't. And so much was going on with figuring out if/when we'd be moving and literally having 2 weeks from the time we knew for sure we'd be moving to Utah to the time the hubby needed to be here...and at the time we were living in 2 different states, me in SoCal and him in NM because we thought he'd be moving back to SoCal...so lets just say getting felt up ect by a dr was not on the top of my to do list! At the time I had been on the pill that you take for 3 months straight before having your period and after going off it my cycles were all screwed up! I had my period and then 2 weeks later another one and then it was over 6 weeks before I had it again. So I decided to stay off the pill to let me cycle go back to normal, mainly because I was convinced the hubby would change his mind and we'd be trying come February when we went to Maui. So condoms it was...with NO chances being taken, on hubby's part not mine. It was looking like we'd still be using those condoms on our honeymoon...so un-romantic! Well someone (or 2 someones in fact) through a major wrench in our honeymoon...my in-laws showed up unexpectedly. They live in SoCal, and yes I am serious. Our last full day was Thursday and they got there Wednesday afternoon. We had planned on spending Thursday relaxing together and enjoying our last day. I was pissed. They did pay for our honeymoon, they are kind hearted sweet people and I am lucky to have them as in-laws. They help us out a lot! But really?!?! Showing up on our honeymoon?!?! Luckily we had dinner plans that night for a highly recommended sushi restaurant and I was so looking forward to it! But I was still pissed. I took a long shower and cried, how could they do this? This is our first vacations together, other then trips home for the holidays, and it was our honeymoon! I tried to push it aside, but after a few drinks and the hubby picking on me, which is normal we pick on each other all the time, but this was not the time, I walked out of the restaurant. That night we had a big fight and then a long talk. He admitted that he realized that he was putting his wants above mine and not considering mine as strongly as he should. He told me that he knew how long I had wanted this and that he had made me put my wants on hold for a long time. He was ready to stop using condoms. WHAT?!?! I was in disbelief! I knew I wasn't only upset about his parents showing up, but also because I had thought we'd be trying for a baby. I was surprised and scared and happy! We finally went to bed cuddling and I was so looking forward to it! We had breakfast with his parents the next morning...went back to the resort to go to the pool, had a few beers and then decided to go up to the room instead of taking a walk on the beach ;). We went to happy hour at the resort restaurant and his parents ended up joining us, and after a few drinks (on our part, not theres) he told them we were no longer going to prevent from getting pregnant. WHAT?!?! Again, I was surprised. We hadn't talked about whether or not we'd share this news, I just guessed I assumed we would, at least for the first month or so. And let's just say his parents are a little older and we have never really talked about stuff like that with them. With my family we talk about pretty much everything, my mom is my best friend and she's knows that I was hoping we'd start trying on our honeymoon, but I did not expect him to be that open, with me sitting right there, with his parents! So of course later that night I had to text my mom and tell her!
A strange decision
When I was younger I always imagined that I'd be married with a kid or 2 by now. I ALWAYS knew I wanted to be a wife and mommy. I was the little girl who took her doll everywhere with her, I wanted my "baby" to have real diapers and real baby clothes and forget about those toy bottles! I wanted real baby stuff for my babies! When I was 9 my oldest sister had my nephew and I was so excited! I had my own real baby to play with! Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong era, I just don't get why some women want careers away from home, when my dream career is being a homemaker. Staying home to take care of the house, hubby and kids sounds like heaven to me! But I've come to realize that not every woman's dream is to be a stay at home mom, but that's mine! So, I figured I would find "the one", get married, go off birth control pills, and within the first year of marriage have our first baby. Too bad it's not quite that simple, well I guess it could be, but we'd struggle A LOT. I'm glad that my hubby is the planning type, and wants to make sure we are as ready as we can be when we make the decision to go from a family of 2 to a family of 3, but I just want a baby dammit! I mean isn't that what married people are supposed to do?! Heck, I would have started trying for a baby before we were even married if my hubby would have been willing! I have MAJOR baby fever and it doesn't help that EVERYONE seems to be having babies! 3 of my younger cousins have recently had babies, and a lot of old friends are already onto baby number 2. I want to be pregnant and have a baby more then anything and it's something that my hubby and I have had a fair share of arguments about. Its not that he doesn't want kids, he does, but with a level head on his shoulders, he wants to be more ready. He wants to buy a house first and make sure that we are financially able to support a baby. Which of course makes sense. But when you've been wanting to have a baby for as long as I have it's hard to be rational about it.
Today I made a strange decision, if you can call it that. There was no real thought process involved, it just sort of happened. Let me explain...a friend from jr high, who is an awesome blogger, got married and then got pregnant and thats what she blogged about. I enjoyed reading her blog and following along with her pregnancy and suddenly at 24 weeks she had to have an emergency c-section. Her baby girl is now 8 months old and doing amazing, but following her journey got me hooked on reading blogs. I somehow ended up reading a blog about a woman struggling with infertility. It took them close to 4 years to have a baby! Any they were married for close to 8 years by the time the had their baby.
Let me stop there for a moment, I have a confession to make, I am intensely afraid that getting pregnant isn't going to just happen as soon as we stop trying to prevent it from happening (I've felt this way for a long time, way before reading that blog). I have no reason to think this way and no idea where this fear came from. So when we got married I wanted to start trying RIGHT AWAY I didn't want to waste precious time. So of course with this fear I got hooked on reading these blogs about women struggling to get pregnant. Crying as I read about these women who have been trying for YEARS to have a baby. And through this I realized something, these couples have AMAZING relationships. Their journeys over time have strengthened them as couples. The deep understanding and support that can only come from time and struggles as a married couple. And I realized I have only been married for 6 MONTHS! We are newlyweds...we haven't even gone on our honeymoon yet! (we are going to Maui for 8 days at the end of this month)! I am still learning how to be the wife I want to be and he is still learning how to be the husband I need him to be. I want that deep understanding and support that comes with time. I want a baby more then anything, but first I want to enjoy being newlyweds! I want to spend time as just husband and wife. I want to build and strengthen our relationship. And I want to do this BEFORE we have a baby. Just a week ago I would have done anything to convince the hubby to start trying to get pregnant, or at least stop preventing it, when we go to maui. But now I want to wait, I'm thinking until our 1 year anniversary...that's less then 6 months away, but a week ago it felt like way to long to wait. We are newlyweds and I want to enjoy this time with my hubby. It doesn't mean I want a baby any less, in fact it makes me feel like we will be even better parents, because we gave ourselves a chance to have a stronger relationship with each other before bringing a baby into our lives. We will be better able to support each other through the ups and downs of parenthood. We will understand each other better. Although we've known each other for a long time, we were only together for 2 years before we got married, that's not very long. I know that he is going to be an amazing father and I cannot wait to see the look on his face the first time he sees our baby on the ultrasound screen, the first time he hears the heartbeat, the first time he puts his hand on my pregnant belly and feels the baby move, the first time he holds our baby. But right now I want to enjoy my husband. I want to enjoy being newlyweds. And I'm working on a list of things I want to do with him BEFORE we start trying to have a baby. I WANT to wait. And I'm strangely at peace with that. I'm sure I will have my moments of severe baby envy, like when the next friend/family member announces they are expecting...but then I will remind myself that we WILL have that soon enough...but why rush?!
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Today I made a strange decision, if you can call it that. There was no real thought process involved, it just sort of happened. Let me explain...a friend from jr high, who is an awesome blogger, got married and then got pregnant and thats what she blogged about. I enjoyed reading her blog and following along with her pregnancy and suddenly at 24 weeks she had to have an emergency c-section. Her baby girl is now 8 months old and doing amazing, but following her journey got me hooked on reading blogs. I somehow ended up reading a blog about a woman struggling with infertility. It took them close to 4 years to have a baby! Any they were married for close to 8 years by the time the had their baby.
Let me stop there for a moment, I have a confession to make, I am intensely afraid that getting pregnant isn't going to just happen as soon as we stop trying to prevent it from happening (I've felt this way for a long time, way before reading that blog). I have no reason to think this way and no idea where this fear came from. So when we got married I wanted to start trying RIGHT AWAY I didn't want to waste precious time. So of course with this fear I got hooked on reading these blogs about women struggling to get pregnant. Crying as I read about these women who have been trying for YEARS to have a baby. And through this I realized something, these couples have AMAZING relationships. Their journeys over time have strengthened them as couples. The deep understanding and support that can only come from time and struggles as a married couple. And I realized I have only been married for 6 MONTHS! We are newlyweds...we haven't even gone on our honeymoon yet! (we are going to Maui for 8 days at the end of this month)! I am still learning how to be the wife I want to be and he is still learning how to be the husband I need him to be. I want that deep understanding and support that comes with time. I want a baby more then anything, but first I want to enjoy being newlyweds! I want to spend time as just husband and wife. I want to build and strengthen our relationship. And I want to do this BEFORE we have a baby. Just a week ago I would have done anything to convince the hubby to start trying to get pregnant, or at least stop preventing it, when we go to maui. But now I want to wait, I'm thinking until our 1 year anniversary...that's less then 6 months away, but a week ago it felt like way to long to wait. We are newlyweds and I want to enjoy this time with my hubby. It doesn't mean I want a baby any less, in fact it makes me feel like we will be even better parents, because we gave ourselves a chance to have a stronger relationship with each other before bringing a baby into our lives. We will be better able to support each other through the ups and downs of parenthood. We will understand each other better. Although we've known each other for a long time, we were only together for 2 years before we got married, that's not very long. I know that he is going to be an amazing father and I cannot wait to see the look on his face the first time he sees our baby on the ultrasound screen, the first time he hears the heartbeat, the first time he puts his hand on my pregnant belly and feels the baby move, the first time he holds our baby. But right now I want to enjoy my husband. I want to enjoy being newlyweds. And I'm working on a list of things I want to do with him BEFORE we start trying to have a baby. I WANT to wait. And I'm strangely at peace with that. I'm sure I will have my moments of severe baby envy, like when the next friend/family member announces they are expecting...but then I will remind myself that we WILL have that soon enough...but why rush?!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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