11 days!

11 days until we find out if we'll be buying blue or pink baby clothes!

I seriously can not wait to find out if we're having a boy or a girl! I'm SO glad I made the appointment for 16 weeks and don't have to wait until 18 weeks. I know it's only 2 weeks difference, but it's a big deal to me! Especially because it still is so surreal. I just don't feel pregnant. And while I do have a little belly, at this point it isn't a distinct baby belly. I know it is, but it just doesn't look like it. I know I'm pregnant, I know there's a little baby (the size of a navel orange this week!) growing in there, moving around, but at the same time it feels like it could be a dream, just something in my imagination. Every so often I have a moment of "holy shit, I'm going to have a baby! I'm really going to be a mommy!" And I rub my belly and thank God for this miracle!

I think that finding out what we're having will maybe make it more real. I still think its a girl, and it might just be wishful thinking because I really want a girl, at first I was convinced its a girl but now I find myself thinking "well it could be a boy". I think I'm thinking that to let myself know that it's ok if it's a boy. And it is. Ideally I want one of each, but I know that I REALLY want a girl. I'd be ok with a girl and a boy, or even 2 girls, but I really just can't see myself with 2 boys. It might be a bad thing to say but I just can't. I know that I will love the baby just as much either way, but I really want a girl. I hope that makes sense?! And I know that I say this now, but if I end up with all boys I know that it will just fine, if that's the way God sees our family. I know that the little spirits are already picked out and waiting to become a part of our family and that God already knows if they will be girls or boys. And maybe if we had 2 boys we could adopt a little girl. Adopting a child is something that's always been in my heart, and if God leads us that way, we will go that way. Wow that sounded really religious, which I'm really not, I just have faith in God and his plan, whatever it may be.


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