So fresh and so clean

This week I starting trying to clean following my new cleaning schedule! Last night I cleaned our master bathroom. My hubby cleaned the basement bathroom recently and the upstairs guest bathroom doesn't really get used so I skipped that one since it only needs a quick once over and I'll be doing that this weekend before my mom gets here next week. Usually I completely stress out about getting the house clean before we have company come visit and stay with us because it takes a whole day to get the house clean and I don't end up getting it all done. So with my new plan I should get everything clean during the week and have time this weekend for any extra cleaning and finishing touches!

So today I'm going to clean up the kitchen and dining area!



I haven't really worked out other then taking the dogs on a short walk last night. I'm not working out with my trainer anymore because we're really trying to save money right now so now I need to find motivation and a routine that works for me. The saving money part is helping with my eating though. We aren't eating out as much and it my not be the healthiest but we are trying to eat cheap foods. I've been eating top ramen for lunch most days. It's not the best choice, but it's better then what I was eating before.

I've been in a funk the past few days, upset, disappointed, frustrated, defeated, to name a few emotions I've had going on. The realization that it's been 1 year since we starting trying to have a baby. It's a heavy weight on my chest right now. 1 year. I tell myself that we weren't actively trying every month in the past year but it doesn't make me feel any better. Most months I used ovulation predictors. They say that at 1 year if you haven't gotten pregnant that you should seek medical help. That's scary. I don't know if I should do that or if I should keep trying and working on myself. I know I'm over weight and I know that could be an issue with getting pregnant. I know that it will probably be a doctors recommendation to lose weight. I know that I want to lose weight before I get pregnant, but no matter how much I want that I want a baby more so it often gets put on the back burner. I know I need to work on myself. I'm thinking that for the next 5-6 months I want to work on myself, working out, eating better, being happier with myself. Of course I don't want to stop TTCing (and I won't). But I think I need to do this before I seek medical help with TTCing. And also I know that right now we can't afford infertility tests and treatments. My health insurance doesn't cover it. So in these next few months of we can save some money and pay off some credit cards we might be in a better place financially to start looking into going that route.

While I know all this it doesn't make it any easier right now. It's so frustrating. 1 year of trying, wanting, praying and no success. Other people get knocked up so easily. It just sucks.


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