Consult

I had my RE consult this morning and it went really well! We got there early and gave the girl at the desk our paperwork that she had emailed me to fill out. She took our ID's and insurance cards and then we sat and waited. The wait felt like FOREVER! It really wasn't very long, maybe 10-15 minutes, but it felt like an hour. I tried to look at a magazine and I just turned the pages without really even looking at them. I was so nervous and the longer we sat there the more nervous I got. Then the dr came out and introduced herself and took us back to an office. She had already looked over my paperwork but just kinda went over the basics with me. We talked about how long we'd been trying, my cycle lengths, how long I've been off the pill. She asked if I've used ovulation prediction tests and I have, I even took a picture of this past cycles and marked on the test sticks the days we'd had sex. She seemed impressed. She said we are definitely doing things right. She explained to us what needs to happen for pregnancy to occur (pretty much sex ed all over again). She was really easy to talk to and I was shocked at how comfortable josh was. He answered questions and asked questions. Then she took us into another room to do the ultrasound, she explained to me that she wanted me to empty my bladder first and then take off my clothes from the waste down and cover myself with a paper sheet. She showed me where the bathroom was and I went, came back to the room, took off my pants and underwear and sat on the table. I looked at the dildo cam (ultrasound wand) and was surprised at how small it was. It was long like I expected, but a lot skinner then I expected. So she came in and had me put my feet in stirrups that she pulled out, scoot down and lay back. It felt just like a pap, but with my husband sitting right there. She put the thing in and it didn't hurt at all. It was a little uncomfortable as she pushed on my ovaries though. We watched on the screen and she showed us where my cervix was and showed us my uterus and ovaries. She pointed out the follicles in my ovaries and measured everything. She said everything looked good. Then she had me get dressed and meet her back in her office. She said everything on the ultrasound looked good and then talked about our next steps. First she explained what FSH is and why we need to do bloodwork to look at that hormone and another hormone that I can't remember the name of right now. That needs to be done on CD3 along with a baseline ultrasound. We'll also both do testing for infectious diseases and the genetic test for cystic fibrosis. Then I will have an HSG done and josh will have a semen analysis done. She then started talking about that there is a chance that these tests will come back normal and if so it will be unexplained fertility. She started talking about clomid and what it does and why it's used. She said something about taking this month (December) to get all the tests done and then made an offhand comment along the lines of "unless your in a hurry to get started this cycle"... And I think she could tell by the look on my face that I wanted that and then she said we could start clomid this cycle and do the testing this cycle too! She told us how cheap clomid is and we decided to do that! Although her recommendation was :
*cd3 - bloodwork to look at hormone levels and baseline ultrasound. Infectious disease and genetic testing for me and josh. Get calendar for the cycle. Make appointment for HSG. Get clomid prescription.
*Somewhere between cd 7-10 (i think) have HSG done and Josh's semen analysis (for this we have to go to their main clinic farther away so we'll probably do these at the same time).
*followed by follicle check(s), trigger and IUI.

Wellllll an IUI cycle costs about $800+. So we are going to see if we can just do a few clomid cycles on our own before we jump to IUI. I want to ask about maybe even doing a clomid, trigger, timed intercourse cycle depending on the cost. The cost for each ultrasound is $192 and insurance doesn't cover that. It doesn't cover fertility drugs either. It covers labs (bloodwork), semen analysis, and HSG but that's about it. I wish we could just do IUI, but $800+ vs. a little over $200? We just can't afford to pay $800 right now. We need to save some money. So hopefully we can do a few clomid cycles and be REALLY frugal and save money for an IUI. If we end up needed and IUI, hopefully the clomid will work and the money we save can go towards buying stuff for our baby! Unless the tests indicate we need to do an IUI. If that's the case we will do what we can to make that happen. I know our parents will be willing to help, well I know my mom will because she said she will today after I told her about our appointment. Josh's dad will be in town Sunday and josh is going to tell him what's going on and that were starting fertility testing and treatments. And I'm SURE his parents will offer to help if needed. I really don't want to ask our parents for help because they have done SO much for us, but I guess this isn't just for us, it's for them too. My mom wants me to have a baby al,oat as bad as I want it. And I'm sure his parents feel the same way. He's an only child and I know they will be beyond excited to have a grand baby!

So know I just have to wait for my period. I've never looked so forward to getting my period. I can't wait for it to start so I can get this cycle started! Usually my cycle is 28 but last month is was only 24 days long. I always get spotting anywhere from a day or two before to a week before I start my period and tonight I had a very small amount of very light pink spotting....and today is cd23 so I could start any day now. I'm hoping that it starts tomorrow or Friday because then I can call them and see when I need to go in, if they want to see me over the weekend, or if it can wait until Monday. (they schedule weekends appointments when necessary, but they aren't actually open on the weekends). If I get my period on Friday after they close or on Saturday I'm going to be freaking out all weekend. I guess it will work out though. It has to right? I work until 4 on Monday and they are only open until 5. I'm pretty sure that my boss will let me leave an hour early but I'm just hoping they will be able to see that late in the afternoon.

Here's hoping aunt flow shows up early! I'm so excited to get this cycle started!

OMG, OMG, OMG

I'm getting ready to go to my RE consult. I'm so totally freaking out. In every situation I was alway play it out in my head how things are going to go and what the possible outcome(s) could be and a lot of the time I end up disappointed because things don't happen the way I expect or want them to. I'm so terrified that's going to happen today. I've been so excited and so happy about taking this step and seeing an RE and getting answers but what if that doesn't happen today? I just want things to go well. I just want some answers! And if that doesn't happen I might have a MAJOR melt down.


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Tomorrow morning

I will be at my RE consult in less then 12 hours. Holy fuck balls. When I stop and think about it my heart beat feels like it increases, my breath quickens, I get butterflies in my tummy, I get light headed. Holy fuck! I'm terrified. Like seriously. It could be good news (in my mind that would be something simple to fix), it could be bad news (like expensive, invasive treatments needed) or it could be unknown (which falls into bad I guess). I could walk away from it knowing what's wrong. Having a plan. That's what I hope for. Or I could walk away even more lost then I am now. I just want to have a baby. I want to know what we need to do to make that happen. I want a plan and I want to get moving with it already. I want answers. I want to be excited about a cycle, to have hope that it could actually end with a positive pregnancy test. To pee on a stick and see 2 bright pink lines. To feel nauseous and exhausted. I want to be pregnant. I want to plan the nursery, research and pick out baby stuff. Sew things and make things for my baby. See a baby inside me on the ultrasound screen and hear its heartbeat inside of me. Get a big belly. Feel it move inside of me. Have josh put his hand on my belly and feel our baby move. I want to pick out names (although we already have the boys name picked out). Buy baby clothes. I want all of this. So bad. And I feel like this appointment holds so much hope. I know that there's a chance that it might not. We may walk out disappointed and let down. BUT we might walk out of there with a reason, with knowledge, and with a plan!

I can not freakin wait for it to be 10 am tomorrow morning! I don't know how going to be able to get any sleep tonight.


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Tomorrow

Holy freak balls! My RE consult is tomorrow morning! I'm excited and completely terrified at the same time. I haven't been sleeping well at all and I'm sure tonight will be even worse! Last night I even took a bath and had some wine and I still couldn't sleep. It's all I can think about. Yesterday after work I printed out the new patient info that the lady at the clinic emailed me and we filled everything out. Josh is sort of uncomfortable with the whole thing, he doesn't really understand why he has to go but I'm hoping that after this appointment he'll understand more and be more involved in it all!

I'm glad work is keeping me busy today otherwise of be losing my mind worrying and wondering and thinking about it! And today after work I'm going out to eat and to see a movie with 2 friends and I'm so thankful for because it'll keep my mind off things! I'm a little bummed though because its my friend Shelly who I used to work with and you were good friends. We haven't really talked much or hung out recently but I feel like she's someone I could talk to about this, but she asked another girl I work with that we're friends with to go and I don't feel the same way about her. I don't think she'd understand and I just don't want to tell her. So I guess I won't be able to talk about it. At least hanging out with them will keep my mind off things!

I seriously can't wait for it to be tomorrow morning!


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DIY

Oh yeah! Even though we aren't getting a new entertainment center anytime soon I still want to fix up our basement living room. We have 2 book cases down there that Josh's parents gave us and they are in major need of an update! Here's one:



And the second smaller one:



I need to tuck those wires behind it! And the pillows are there because the cat likes to lay on them. See the blue spots on the pillow? Yay, that's from Sadie who chewed up a bottle of craft paint.

Anyways. My plan is paint these bookshelves and possibly even add paper or fabric to inside to make them even prettier! I'm going to hopefully pick up some primer and paint this week and get to work on this project! We also majorly need some art/shelves/something/anything on our bare walls!

I plan on putting our tree up down here since the dogs are only down here when we are so I'm excited to make it all Christmassy down here!

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Christmas gift

So my in-laws got us baby gates as our Christmas gifts this year. I REALLY wanted a new entertainment center for he living room. The one we have josh got when he bought the old tv, when he first moved to New Mexico, before I moved there, it's not horrible I guess. It's just not my style. It's hard to explain so here's a pic :



It's just plain and ugly. The shelves are glass and the bottom one got broken during one of our moves, but it serves our needs as far as holding the TV, DVD player and cable box. I would LOVE to mount our tv to the wall and have a pretty cabinet under it to hold DVDs, Josh's video games, DVD player and cable box and run the wires through the wall to hide them, but that would require putting holes in the wall and since we plan on moving within the next year or two we want to minimize the damage to the walls. And if my mom moves here while we still live here we'll move our tv to the upstairs living room that we aren't even using so she can have the whole basement to herself (big living room, bedroom and bathroom). So for now it works and when we do move our needs might change as far as the type of entertainment center that will work so for now its better to just stick with what we have. Blah. But oh well. I can deal with it. I do have plans to make the basement look better though! More on that later.

So, we decided to ask them for something that we actually NEED. We've had our 2 cats since we lived in New Mexico, then when we bought our house we adopted Brody. My baby, he's a 12 pound mini pincher chuiuaua mix. Well josh wanted a REAL dog so we got Sadie, a black lab, whose now (I'm guessing) well over 70 pounds at almost 8 months old.




She's big and she's so bad. She gets into everything! She has eaten raw meat that was defrosting in a freezer bag off the counter, numerous Tupperware containers, candles, rolls of paper towels, pretty much anything she can get her mouth on. So we are currently using a baby gate (as pictures above) that's broken to keep her out of our bedroom since she chewed a hole in our duvet cover and really likes to eat my underwear and anything else she can dig out of the hamper. We have to keep her out of the kitchen so we're using 2 cardboard boxes that had big posters in that josh got sent for work. They are slim and perfect size to block off the kitchen on two sides. One is one the side of the kitchen that goes into the dinning room and we leave it there. The other we move to block the kitchen and basement depending on if we're in the basement or not. So we've been wanting the kind of gates that you can leave in place and easily open to go through them instead of having to move them. So Josh's parents bought them for us for Christmas. It's something that we need, but didn't want to spend the money on. And it's something that we'll eventually need when we have kids since we have stairs and will more probably have stairs on our next home too. I seriously can not wait to get the gates. We should get them this week and I feel old for being excited about freakin baby gates! Wow. I think I'm just babbling to try to keep my mind off of the consult.

But seriously there are only 2 days of work...2 dinners...3 nights of sleep before my consult. I'm so excited, I seriously can't wait! Yet at the same time I'm terrified that it'll be bad news. That it will be something that will require hardcore treatments in order for us to have a baby, because we can't afford that. And even if we are able to save money and somehow get IVF if we need it I'm terrified that we'd only me able to so it once. And I hate the way this might sound but as much as I want a baby, I don't just want 1. I want a family. I want kids. At least 2 but I'm thinking 3 is my perfect number. In my opinion one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is that of a sibling. So I'm hoping and praying that its hormonal, or something that we be an "easy" fix. By easy I mean less invasive, less expensive, something that we can handle financially and that I can handle emotionally. Something that we can easily fix. So that we can have a baby. And so that when were ready for another we can have hope that we can do it emotionally and financially. I feel that I am meant to be a mother. I am meant to carry my own children. I am meant to get pregnant. And now I know that this struggle was meant to be a part of my journey. I just pray and hope that seeing this RE gets us to the end of this journey. That it gets is pregnant. It's seemed like such a huge step that I wasn't ready to take for so long and now it just feels right. Don't get me wrong I'm still terrified, but it feels like its just the next step on my journey. Before it was; period, use ovulation predictors, sex when I think it'll get us pregnant, wait, be disappointed again. Rinse, repeat. Now it will go similar but with help, I'm not sure what help maybe a pill, maybe shots, monitoring via ultrasound I'm sure and hopefully that will result in a different outcome. A positive outcome, in the form of 2 lines on a pregnancy test. All I can do now is hope and pray.

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Thankful

Today is Thanksgiving and I'm thankful for hope, among other things. I'm thankful for my loving hubby who puts up with my craziness, I'm thankful for my job, for our house, that we live well even if we sometimes struggle. But most of all, right now, I'm thankful for hope. For the hope that I currently have for the future of our family. For growing our family. The renewed hope of having a baby. We've tried for almost a year and a half and the last few months I had lost hope. But I decided to put on my big girl panties and do what needed to be done. I'm thankful that I finally made an appointment with a doctor, and I'm thankful that I am able to go to an RE without a referral or anything! Thanks to my insurance, which I have through my job, I was able to make an appointment straight with an RE who happens to run a fertility clinic. I'm thankful that my consult is less then a week away (6 days to be exact)! I'm thankful that soon we might have some answers and a plan. But mainly I'm thankful for the renewed hope that I AM going to have a baby. The hope that I AM going to make josh a dad. The hope that I AM going to be a mom! And the hope that we are going to make our parents grandparents! A little hope goes a long way!


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1 week

1 week!!! Until my RE consult! Craziness! I can't believe that in just 1 week we might get some answers and find out what it's going to take to get a bun baking in my oven! I know that there's a chance we might not get any answers right away, or that the answers we get aren't ones we want to hear. But I can't help but be hopeful and excited! I'm still can't sleep! The other night I had the weirdest dreams. I dreamt that I was at the RE and Josh couldn't go so I was alone and I realized I forgot the forms they emailed us to fill out. Like didn't even print them out. And I'm not sure if I was talking to a nurse or an RE but she was mean! I was freaking out! It sucked! And I also had a dream that I was a lot younger and had a boyfriend (no idea who the guy was) and I kept spending the night at his house and we would have sex and sleep on stairs in his house to hide from his dad and then his dad was finally going to be out of town and we were so excited to get to sleep in his bed then I woke up. Ummm...WTF?!?! Strange!

I just can't wait to hopefully get some answers!!! And get on with the baby making because obviously what were doing isn't working!

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9 days!

Single digit countdown to my RE appointment! Yesterday we went to one of our favorite places, wingnuts, good food and beer. It's right across the street from the movie theatre we go to so we go there to eat and have a few pitchers of beer then go see a movie. We do that practically every weekend. So we did that yesterday and we talked A LOT about having a baby and the RE consult. I had baby thoughts and excitement running through my mind and could not sleep last night! I'm so tired today and I just hope it's not like this every night till my consult! I just can't wait to hopefully get some answers and figure out what we need to do to have a baby!


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12 days

12 days until my consult with the RE!

Yesterday was a bad day at work. I just didn't want to be there, at all. I was just so annoyed listening to people talk about stupid trivial things when "hello?! I have to go to a special dr and have help just to get knocked up!" Of course I haven't told anyone but I was just on a bad mood about being at work. Today was better. I keep thinking to myself "be kinder then necessary, you never know what someone is going through or how tough there life is." You can't usually tell the struggles someone is facing just by looking at them. I know I'd appreciate it right now, so maybe I'll make someone's day a little better just by being nicer then necessary to them.

Today I feel thankful. I found out a co-workers husband lost his side job. He has a decent full time job, but they have 3 kids and I know they struggle financially. I feel bad for her and her family. A month away from Christmas, that just sucks. It made me think how thankful I am for what we have. Josh has a good job. Some days I hate my job, but for the most part I have a good, easy, decent paying job. I have coworkers I'm friends with. We have a nice house. We may not have everything I want, but we have everything we need and more. We may struggle financially sometimes and we may not be putting as much money as we should be into savings, but that's our fault and something that we're working on changing. We don't budget and we spend what we want when we want, that isn't really a good way to save money! We waste a lot of money on things we just don't need. But we're lucky and I'm thankful for what we have. I'm thankful that I can (hopefully) get help and have a baby! I can't wait for my consult with the RE!

Today on the way home I turned up the radio when a song I like came on and sung and danced along. I can't remember the last time I did that! I feel like I've had my head stuck in a cloud for the last year. Things were fuzzy and dreary and unclear, now the skies are clearing and things are brighter, prettier, clearer. I feel myself becoming happier every day!


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Lighter

I have no idea what's going to happen at our consult with the RE in 2 weeks (13 days to be exact!) but I've noticed a difference in myself. I feel lighter, like a weight has been lifted off my chest. That feeling might change after our consult, but for now I'm feeling more like the old me. I realized that I'm so excited for the new year. This past year has sucked. When 2011 ended we had only been trying to get pregnant for 5 months, I still had hope near the end of each cycle that I'd be pregnant. As 2012 started that faith started to slip away. I started to just expect to not get pregnant. I could sense that something was wrong and it wasn't going to happen without help, but I couldn't admit that to myself. This past year sucked. I haven't been myself. I lost myself in this struggle. But last night I had a lighter attitude, Josh even noticed. I was more giggly, more fun, nicer. I like this change. I feel at peace with this choice. We need help, we need to find out what's wrong and how to fix it. I have renewed hope and faith that this next year will be our lucky year! 2013 is going to be an amazing year for us! Hopefully it'll bring us a baby!


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Kinda freakin out

I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next 2 weeks without losing my mind! I seriously can't get over the fact that I have an appointment at a fertility clinic. That I'm taking the next step. That we're (hopefully) going to find out why we haven't gotten pregnant yet. That I'm going to have an ultrasound wand shoved in me (hopefully that'll give us some answers!).  I'm totally shocked and excited and nervous and freaking out! The appointment is on CD23 of this cycle so if they can see what's wrong on the ultrasound (or bloodwork) I think I could potentially start treatments next cycle! Holy freakin cow! I can't focus on anything. My mind is racing. I feel jittery. I really hope these next 2 weeks go by VERY quickly! Ive gotten so used to expecting to not get pregnant each cycle. I always hope and wish that I don't get my period and that I'm pregnant, but after 16 months I'm at the point where I expect that I'll get my period. Each month I expect to NOT be pregnant. I can't wrap my head around the idea that I could actually have hope for a different outcome as early as next cycle. I already feel a renewed sense of hope and excitement. But I'm seriously freaking out! Good thing work is crazy busy right now, at least that'll keep me busy and hopefully keep my mind off this, at work at least!

Emotional pain

I'm still on a high. The adrenaline is still pumping. I still can't believe I have an appointment with a RE in 2 weeks! For the first time in a long time my hope is renewed. But I just discovered that it still hurts. I just realized that the pain of the past 16 months of disappointing cycles isn't just going to go away. Although right now the excitement and the prospect of renewed hope seems to have dulled the pain. Josh has a group of friends who have been very close since elementary school. I've known them all since highschool. A few of the guys where in our wedding. One traveled from the other side of the country for our wedding. Literally. Him and his wife (fiancé at the time of our wedding) live in New Jersey and he came to CA to be a part of our wedding. Josh was supposed to be in his wedding but we weren't able to make it to their wedding because we were in the process of moving to utah when they got married and we just couldn't make it there. Anyways...a few months ago we found out that they are expecting there first child. We were out and I had a meltdown in public when josh found out. I tried so hard to keep my shit together but I couldn't stop the tears from running down my face. It was a very low moment for me. I was happy for them, but at the same time hurting for myself and josh. We had already been trying for at least a year and I could remember them talking when we first started trying and him telling josh they wanted to wait awhile. It just hurt.

Well tonight they talked and they're having a girl. I'm excited for them, but I still felt that pain. He asked josh about us having kids and it really hurt to hear josh try to avoid specifics. To not say we're trying, not say we're not, just trying to sound casual about it. It was a stab of pain. Him talking about how they thought it would take longer but it happened so fast. They didn't expect it to happen the first try. He was just talking to his good friend, no idea what we're going through. No idea that we've been trying for as long as we have. He didn't mean to cause us pain, or rub it in our face, but it did. This hope I have, the faith I have in this appointment is helping me to not be so hurt. But I still feel the pain. I'm sure I always will. Even if I ended up pregnant next month I would still feel this pain. I don't think it will ever go away, but I hope the pain will fade and sting less at least.


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To share or not?

So now that I'm super excited (and nervous) about having this appointment, I want to share my excited with someone! Specifically my mom. She wants us to have a BABY so bad! She's been waiting a long time for another grandbaby (my nephew is 19 so she's ready for more grandbabies). She knows we're having trouble getting pregnant and I know she wants me to see a doctor about it. What's stopping me from sharing this with her is 1-I don't want to burden her or worry her with my problems/troubles and 2-I feel like it would take the surprise away from telling her were pregnant when we get pregnant! I seriously cannot wait to see her face when we can finally tell her she's going to have a grandbaby!

I just don't know! I feel like it might make her happy to know we're taking the next step though! But she does have a tendency to tell everyone everything and this isn't something I want shared. It's very private to me right now. I haven't really told anyone except her, my best friend (whose been my BF since we were 5) and 1 person at work who only works 4 hours 1 day a week and who went through fertility treatments so I know she won't tell anyone. I know my mom has told a few people that were having trouble getting pregnant and it makes me uncomfortable. I just don't feel like its anyone's business except mine and Josh's. Maybe that'll change and ill want to share or struggle with others, but not right now.


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The next step

I just got off the phone with the fertility clinic and I have an appointment for Wednesday November 28th!!! Wow! I am shaking right now! I'm so nervous and excited right now!!!! I can't believe its happening! We're taking the next step to having a baby! In exactly 2 weeks from this very moment I will be on my way to the clinic for the consult! The lady I talked to on the phone was SO nice and explained everything to me. She said I will probably have an ultrasound during the consult! So at least I know we wont be just talking to the doctor we will actual start figuring out what's going on and why we aren't getting pregnant!


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Still waiting

I haven't heard back from the fertility clinic yet. I was going to call them but decided to wait. I found out that even though they are in-network and some of the tests and treatments might be covered, I have a $500 deductible. I think it's A LOT smarter to wait until next year (since its only about 7 weeks away) to go since if I go now I will have to pay $230 for the consultation and then for anything else they do before the end of the year and then I would have to reach the deductible again next year before my insurance kicks in! That's just a waste of money in my opinion. I've already waited 16 months to get pregnant, I think I can handle 7 weeks before I go to the fertility clinic. I'm also going to see when I can make changes to my insurance so that I can take advantage of the flexible spending account. I want to get the FSA for $500 since I know we'll have to pay at least that much. Then it will be there when we need it and it'll come out of my paycheck before taxes.


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The first step is always the hardest

Awhile back I decided to focus on myself, on losing weight, and then after the first of the year I'd make an appointment to see a obgyn or fertility specialist. Well last night I decided that I'm tired of waiting and I just want to get on with it already! Two girls at work are pregnant, one of them I'm more friendly with and she's about 20 weeks and just found out she's having girl. She's been married for close to the same amount of time we've been trying to have a baby. When she first got married we talked about having babies and she said they wanted to wait awhile (we were already trying) and now, a year later, she's pregnant and I'm still not. I'm tired of waiting. I want a baby. And I realized what if it's something that's easy to fix. Like maybe I'm not ovulating and they can give me something (like clomid) to fix that issue. If that's the case I don't want to waste anymore time waiting and thinking it'll just happen when its meant to.

I guess I final realized that we need to have a baby. And that's ok. It's better to figure out the problem and start working on it. It might be something that's simple to fix or it might be something that well need expensive fertility treatments for, and if that's the case we need to see what it'll take, treatment and cost wide, so we can make a plan and start saving money or whatever we need to do to have a baby!

So this morning I got onto my insurance companies website to look up doctors. I spent my lunch looking at them on my phone and then looked more when I got home. In my searching I actually found a category for reproductive endocrinologist! There was a list of some in my area and I found one nearby and wanted to know more about him so i googled him and his office is a fertility clinic! My health insurance says I have coverage for the treatment of underlying causes of infertility and to resolve them, but not for actual infertility treatments. I'm not sure exactly what that means but I sent an email to my insurance company asking what my benefits would cover if i went to him. He's a in network doctor so I'm thinking that means his treatments would be covered, but I could be wrong. I'm thinking (hoping) that at the very least the consultation will be covered and then at least I will gain some knowledge and be able to make a plan to move forward! I also submitted a consult request on the clinics website! I put this next Wednesday (my next day off, besides sunday) as the date I'd like to have the consult. I got an email from them saying that they will can within 3 days! I seriously cannot believe that I could possibly be meeting with a RE as early as next week!!! I'm doubting I'll be able to get in that early and I'm expecting when they call that I'll have to schedule an appointment for a later date. BUT if they are able to see me that day I will be so excited!!! I'm ready to get moving on this. I don't know what happened, but its like a switch got flipped, from the "it'll happen when it happens" mentality to "lets figure this out and get a move on NOW! Like immediately!" It's weird, but I'm ready and excited! And I can't help but think...maybe all I'll need is clomid (or something like that) and if I can start next cycle, maybe, just maybe I will get the best Christmas gift I could ever wish for : getting pregnant! I know it's not likely to happen on the very first cycle with help, but I can dream a little right!?!? And if we end up needing more expensive treatments that insurance doesn't cover then at least we can ask for money for Christmas to go towards our treatments!

I'm so excited to be taking this step forward! I can't wait to see what happens next!


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