I failed at the love dare. I still want to read the book and do it, I've just been so busy!
I just got back from a long weekend home in Cali. Hubby stayed home, it was just a much needed trip to visit my family. My brother was gone for about 7 months, testing, training and working for the state department. He was in Iraq part of that time and he was home for 30 days before heading back Wednesday to Iraq for 100. His contract is 100 days working in Iraq then 35 days off (5 days are pretty much travel days so really 30 days off) rinse, repeat, over and over. He likes it, the money's good, and he's safer then when he was in the army. I also recently found out that my mom has to have a hysterectomy this month, so I really wanted to spend some time with her (I found that out after I had already planned my trip home, so it worked out well). I got to see my sister and grandma too! My mom and I say the hunger games movie...AMAZING! I went into it with pretty low expectations after hearing about some of the ways it was different from the book, but I loved it!
The success was that I started the couch 2 5k program today! I also ate really healthy today and stocked up on food for the week at the grocery store today! I had my annual (pap) with my doctor while I was home (I really need to find a gyno here-she's just a nurse practitioner and we didn't really get into the TTCing, she mainly just said that if we get to a year of actively TTCing and i haven't gotten pregnant to see a gyno) anyways...i got weighed and OMFG, i weigh 30+ pounds more then my previous heaviest. About 15-20 pounds more then i thought i could possibly weigh! Disgusting. No wonder I feel so crappy about myself and so fat! Especially after spending the weekend with my really fit and healthy brother and his girlfriend who has an amazing body (that she works super hard for) she's a personal trainer and fitness instructor. So I came home with a plan and a vengeance to make changes NOW! I downloaded an app to my iPhone for the c25k running program and I did it. Sure I struggled and I'm sure I looked pretty freakin pathetic during the jogging parts, but I got off my ass and did it. And it felt good!
The hubby and I are planning to go to Park City for our 2 year anniversary this year (we went last year for our 1 year and we plan on making it a yearly anniversary tradition) and I want to feel good (healthy) and feel good about myself. Fit into some of my cute clothes that are too small right now. Have confidence and enjoy time with my hubby without focusing on how gross, fat, yucky I feel. So until then I plan on working my butt off and being healthy with my eating to lose as much weight as I can. So until then TTCing is going on the back burner. I want to chart my temp during this time to try to better understand my cycle and we won't prevent anything from happening, but seeing my weight made me realize how unhealthy I am right now and how truly unprepared my body is to be pregnant and carry a baby.
I'm going to be weighing in on Fridays. I feel like that way I have the whole week to work towards it and "be good" and then seeing the results will help me be better and not cheat over the weekend. It'll either push me to be diligent to make sure I don't ruin the weight I lose during the week, or if I did gain or stay the same that week then it will push me to work hard throughout the weekend so that I can have better results the next week. I'm not sure if I want to reveal my weight. I'm really embarrassed about it, but I will definitely share my loses or gains.
I'm ready to lose this weight!
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