Today at work I found out that a girl I work with is pregnant. And she said she was upset about it at first. She's not done with school (college) yet, but will be once she had the baby in August. When she found out she thought she'd be sick and would have a really hard time working and finishing school. But she said she hasn't been sick just tired. And now she's excited about it. She's 10 weeks. She showed us her ultrasound picture. Everyones so excited for her. I am to. But I'm sad, and upset. Why her, why now, why not me? I could tell that 2 of the other girls where watching me for my reaction. They know I'm ready to have a baby and not preventing it from happening. I tried my hardest to be as normal as i could. But when I walked out of work and was away from everyone I had tears in my eyes. To say the least - it's going to be a long 6+ months. I hate feeling this way. I hate wanting something so bad and so much and watching someone else get it. I wish I could just put my wants on hold. Just enjoy the now. Focus on myself. But I want SO badly to be a mom. To make J a daddy.
This sucks.
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