Happy New Year!

It's 10 pm and for the first time in as long as I can remember I'm not staying up until midnight. And for the first time in a very long time I'm not drinking. I just climbed into bed and plan on being asleep shortly. The exhaustion I've heard about hasn't set in yet, but I'm definitely more tired then I normally am. And I have to be at work at 8:45 tomorrow, if I could sleep in I might try to stay up, but I don't mind! It's so worth it! I did have a glass of sparkling grape juice (in my wine glass!):






It was yummy! I'm so glad the 2012 is over and I'm welcoming 2013 with open arms! I'm so excited and I know that it's going to be an amazing year! This time next year we'll have a little one to celebrate New Years with!

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4 weeks!

I took another digital test on Saturday night. I was going to do it on Sunday morning, but I couldn't wait. I might use the last digital test on Wednesday morning before I go in for the blood draw, but at this point I pretty much don't doubt that I'm pregnant. I mean there's still a very small fear that maybe the blood test will say that I'm not, or that it could be a chemical pregnancy, or something else could go wrong, but for the most part I'm sure. I'm officially late. AF should have arrived today at the latest. And I usually have spotting anywhere from a few days to a week before AF and I didn't have any sorting this cycle. I also feel different. My sense if smell is crazy! I can see it becoming an issue if I get morning sickness. Everything smells stronger and I can smell things I never noticed before. I also have to pee all the time. I thought that wouldn't come until later in pregnancy, but I was wrong. And sometimes I have to pee so bad and then I go and I barley pee! It's annoying! I've also been feeling a little crampy, but different then period cramps. And my boobs feel huge! And I feel bloated.

As soon as I got the positive test I went to the store and bought some healthier food. I try to eat decently, but I have to admit overall our eating habits aren't so great (which is a contributing factor to me gaining 50 pounds since we got married) so I've been really trying to eat healthier. I think about it before I eat it an I want to eat as healthy as I can for myself and for the baby. I'm trying to make sure I eat breakfast (which I don't usually do) and trying to eat smaller meals with healthy snacks in between.

During the past year I got really down about not getting pregnant. I wasn't happy. And when I'm not happy I gain weight. Food soothes me, makes me feel better. So it seemed like I was never full. I was always thinking about my next meal, what yummy thing I could eat. It was a real struggle. I knew I was gaining weight and I tried diets and working out, but being unhappy was holding me back from losing weight. Well now I'm happy! And my eating has already changed. I try to make healthy choices, and I stop eating before I get too full. Today we went out to eat and I ordered a chicken wrap and fries. We shared a chip and dip appetizer. Normally I would have finished everything and had a few beers, today I ate 1/2 of the wrap, and not even 1/2 of the fries. And I was full. It was food I normally would have loved, but it was just ok. I figure that I need to eat as healthy as I can when I can because if I get morning sickness, food aversions, or cravings later on at least I will have done what I can now. Does that make sense. I'm definitely not taking the whole "I'm pregnant, eating for 2, I can eat whatever I want" approach. I'm already over weight so I need to do whatever I can to keep my weight under control and only gain a healthy, necessary amount of weight.

I can't wait till Wednesday for the blood test! And I'm hoping they can give me some referrals for ob-gyns. And then I need to make an ob-gyn appointment!


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Telling Josh

So last night I got home from work and put the food I picked up on my way home into the kitchen an ran upstairs to change and test. I did the digital test, changed, looked at it and it still had the little spinning hour glass, so I put my hair up and waited a minute and then looked again...holy shit!


I was so excited I was shaking! I grabbed the book I had gotten Josh and put the test into my sweatshirt pocket. I wanted to do it a little different but my mom and josh were both in the kitchen and I said oh I forgot to give you one of your presents, here open it. So he did and he was like "does this mean your pregnant?" And I showed him and my mom the test and we were all excited. But they were both a little unsure about the results. My mom saying she read online that the hormones and meds I took can give a false positive, I tried to explain it to her and tell her that I tested the hcg out of my system, but she wasn't really understanding it. And Josh says he'll get excited once its confirmed by the blood test. He doesn't want to get all excited and have the test be wrong. Well I KNOW I'm pregnant. I will feel more at ease about it once its confirmed by the blood test, but I'm excited! 2013 is going to be an amazing year!!! I'm so happy that I get to toast the new year with sparking cider!

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In shock

It's not truly official until I have my blood draw on the 2nd but seeing that one little word makes me a happy girl!

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The moment that rocked my world

This morning I had a moment that completely rocked my world (in a good way). I've been testing each morning and its been negative. I got up this morning and went in to the bathroom, tested, I glanced at the test and saw the control line coming up bright but didn't see a second line yet, I got into the shower and spent the whole time thinking that it didn't work. That I wasn't pregnant. What were we going to do? We don't have money to do IVF and if IUI doesn't work that's the only thing I can imagine working, or using donor sperm but I know josh wouldn't be ok with that. I was so disappointed and then I thought maybe it could still happen, maybe it's just still to early. I really have had "symptoms" really just feeling things I haven't felt before (like a pinching feeling a few times, and my boobs are even bigger then usually). So then I got out of the shower and glanced at the test and thought "oh my god!" I could see a second line, I hurried and put my contacts in thinking maybe I was imaging it. Nope. There was a VERY faint, but definitely there, second line! Omg! I was jumping up and down and crying. I seriously can't believe it! I compared it to yesterday's negative and there was definitely a line that on today's. I compared it to the tests when it was still detecting the hcg and the line was about the same, maybe a little bit lighter on today's test. I almost ran into the bedroom to show josh and make sure I was seeing a line but I didn't. I want to test again tomorrow and if the line is darker I want to give him the book I bought. I want to surprise him. I wrapped the book in Christmas paper and I'm going to say that I forgot to give him one if his presents. Than he'll open it and know. I want to buy some blank bibs at work today and put "I love nana" on one for my mom. And make an "I love my uncle" one for my brother, and "I love my auntie" on one for my brothers fiancé and one for my sister. And also make a little something for my grandma! I would send then home with my mom but ask her to wait until after my blood draw on the 2nd. I know you should wait until 12 weeks, but I've waited a year and a half for this baby and I can't wait to tell everyone! I know that could blow up in my face is something goes wrong and I'll have to explain to everyone. But I'm willing to take that chance.

I'm seriously in disbelief and shock right now. I keep going back and looking at the test to make sure that I really saw a line and that I'm not crazy. Holy shit. I'm not ready to say I'm pregnant just yet, I need to see another test with a line, a line that gets darker, before I'm ready to admit it to myself. I might even test tonight when I get home from work. I seriously can't believe this! My world is about to change in big ways!!! Yay!


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Thoughts

Merry Christmas! We had a really nice day today! My mom and I got up and watched TV for a little bit before my in laws got here from the hotel they are staying at nearby. Then I made a little snack of pigs on a blanket (mini hotdogs wrapped in crescent rolls) and tater tots, its one of Josh's favorite snack food and what he wanted. Then we opened presents. Josh loved the electronic dart board I got him and he got me this huge bookcase from ikea that I've been wanting for my craft room (and eventually it'll be perfect in a babies room or playroom). Then I made dinner. I made a ham, baked potato casserole, rolls, stuffing, and a salad. I had green beans to make but forgot. Oh well. We all ate way too much and have tons of leftovers. Everyone was so thankful for the meal and the fact that I cooked it (neither my mom or my mother in law cook at all).

The downside...I got a negative this morning, which isn't really surprised seeing how early it is, only 9dpiui, but still disappointing. And now I've convinced myself that it didn't work. That I'm not pregnant. I just want it so bad and I know if I get my hopes up even the slightest bit that I'm going to be SO disappointed, devastated really when I find out I'm not preggo. So I'm trying to be logical I guess and prepare myself for the worst. I still have a little hope that maybe, just maybe, I'm pregnant. I'm torn between continuing to test and just waiting a few days before I test again. It's not like I have a lack of tests, I've ordered OPKs twice and they came with 10 pregnancy tests each time and I have a box of 3 clear blue easy digital tests. I really really really want to be able to take one of those and see "pregnant" appear across the screen. Like so bad.


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Negative

The last few days there's been a very faint second line on the tests but this morning it was truly negative. So the trigger shot is officially out of my system. Now I'm just hoping a second line starts showing up again! But after seeing that negative this morning it kind of got me down about things. I want to be pregnant so bad, but I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not, so when I'm not it won't be a shock. This just sucks. I just want to fast forward a few days and get a positive! This waiting is hard. I just want it so bad. I doubt even if I am that I'll get a positive tomorrow...I'm hoping by 12dpiui it's positive!!!


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Testing

So I decided to test today to see if the hcg is out of my system. Well I got out of bed to pee and totally forgot to test. So I drank a bottle of water and tested a few hours later. There's a very faint line. So the hcg isn't out of my system yet. I was hoping that there wouldn't be a second line and I'd know it's out of my system and then I could just wait until next week to start testing and be confident that if I saw a second line it was pregnancy not the hcg. So there goes that idea. Now I'll either test until there's no second line and then start testing again on Tuesday (I know 9dpiui is REALLY early to test, but it could happen and it would be awesome to know on Christmas!) or depending on when the second line goes away I might just keep on testing until I have my blood draw (or get a real positive). Well see what happens. I'm so torn between thinking it'll work and that it won't work it's like I have 2 personalities right now. One minute I'm sure we're going to get a positive and have a baby in 9 months the next I'm sure it's not going to happen. I just want it so bad that I think I'm trying to keep myself from getting overly excited because then I'll be seriously disappointment about it.

I'm just really hoping for a bfp, and it would be awesome to get it on Christmas!


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CD16

Well it's 3dpiui (3 days past IUI) and I don't really know what I'm feeling. I feel kinda numb one minute, excited the next, then moody one minute, and thinking it isn't going to work the next. It's crazy. I'm sure the medicines I've taken this month are contributing. I finished my last estrace pill this morning (yay! No more blue goo coming out of me!) and am continuing with the progesterone nightly. It isn't too bad. Not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, but still kinda gross. I just want this so bad and going into it I thought for sure this would be it, this would work, then Josh's numbers where to bad and we found out why and it just made it seem so unlikely. Everything looks great on my end...we just need 1 (or 2 :)) stellar swimmers!

One minute I find myself saying something about the baby, and joking with josh about it like it worked and the next I'm all moody and crying because I can't get a box of Christmas stuff out of the garage...no joke...josh thinks I'm crazy but he helped me and got the box for me! I made him go into a baby clothes store today and I couldn't even bring myself to get excited. It just seemed so surreal. And like I couldn't possibly be anywhere close to looking at and buying things for my own baby.

The dry, cold winter weather is killing my skin. And combined with trying a different laundry detergent my skin is NOT happy. I have itchy dry patches on my arms, legs, back, and then there's this whole boob area situation... So I've gained about 40 pounds over the past year and a half and none of my bras fit. I finally went out and got a new one, which fit just barley. And the dog got a hold of it and chewed it up. So I bought a new bra which fits ok but the material irritates the crap out of my skin. And combined with the itchy winter skin its just a disaster area. My poor boobs. So I searched and searched for a bra that fits and I cannot find one. I even went to lane Bryant thinking I'd have some luck, but nope. They had bras with big enough cups but the bands were to big. So today we went to gordmans which is this store that's kinda like Marshall's or Ross but a lot nicer. And I found bigger bras and decided to try one one. It's the best fit I've found so far, its a 40f (I was a 34DD before i gained weight). A 38 would have been better but it fit. The material is soft. And...it's a nursing bra. Lol. But seriously I've been looking for a new bra for months and can't find one that fits, and I finally did! All I can say is I'm screwed if/when I'm pregnant because I seriously cannot imagine these things getting any bigger, but I'm sure they will.

That was a bunch of randomness.


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IUI

I barley got any sleep last night. I was so nervous and excited. I read to try to take my mind off it and usually reading until I feel tired helps me to fall asleep. Well I was wide awake so I would put the kindle down and try to fall asleep and my mind would not stop. First it was "when will I be able to test?" So I grabbed my phone and looked at the calendar and counted the days for the millionth time. Then other thoughts came up and I was googling them. So back to reading. Finally around 2 am I put it down and tried to sleep. It was a very restless sleep until about 5 something and then I finally fell asleep only to have my alarm go off at 7. So I got up, showered and got ready. I went downstairs so josh could have a little alone time to so his thing. So I fed the dogs and sat downstairs and waited, and waited. Because of how long it takes to get to the PG clinic he needed to do right before we left. And it took him forever. I wanted to yell up the stairs for him to hurry up, but decided that doing that probably wouldn't help matters. So he did his thing and we were on our way. We got there about 10 minutes late and they didn't seem to mind. I dropped off his stuff and they said to come back in 1 hour for the IUI. So we went and had breakfast. I was a nervous wreck. I was hoping for better numbers on his stuff and for it to work.

We went back and the nurse put us onto a room ad had me get undressed from the waist down and we sat there forever. We came back a little early so the stuff wasn't ready yet. Finally the dr came in...a different one...I've now had all 3 of the doctors at the clinic. My main one Dr. C, the other female one did my hsg and this time it was the main doctor director of the clinic. He went over Josh's numbers and they once again weren't good. One of the things was a little better, but overall pretty crappy. He was asking (like the nurse when she told us the SA results) if he'd had any surgeries, any injuries. And josh told me (both times) that he remembered something about going to a physical or something once and having to get a shot or something, for some reason it kept coming up in his mind but he couldn't figure out any way it could relate to all this... And I just didn't really think anything if it. I just said we need to ask your parents. So the dr said it just takes one, he's seen it work with lower numbers, we just need one Michael phelps swimmer. He didn't sound overly sure or anything, just letting us know that it could happen, but isn't as likely as it would be with more "normal" numbers. He did say that I stimulated really well and having 4 eggs would help our chances. So i guess that means that he felt that the 2 follies that weren't quite ready when I had my ultrasound Friday would be mature when I ovulate. He did the IUI and it didn't hurt or anything. Pretty much just like getting a pap. Then they had me lay there for like 15-20 mins. The nurse came back and gave us a little info sheet with follow-up instructions; start progesterone suppositories tomorrow night, make blood draw appointment for 1/2 to see if I'm pregnant, and... Have sex tonight and she told us its really important that I orgasm. She said that the uterine contractions caused by orgasm help get the sperm where it needs to be to fertilize the egg(s). It even says something like that on the paper! It was just really funny and awkward at the same time.

I asked when I could start testing and she said wait at least 7 days for the hcg to get out of my system and then I could start testing. But I know better then to test that early! I MIGHT test on Christmas, but it will only be 9dpiui (9 days past IUI) so I highly doubt it would be accurate, but it could be. It will be 5-6 before my missed period so it is possible I guess. I'm going to really try to wait until 12dpiui. I should get my period on the 30-31 so we'll pretty much know before the blood draw.

Then we came home and josh called his parents to tell them AND apparently he really was trying to remember something important! When he was young he had an undescended testicle...would have been nice to know that earlier! At least know we know the reason behind the issue. So if this doesn't work we'll met with the dr and see what we need to do. It's good to know what the issue is but sucks that this is the issue. At least with most female issues there are solutions.

So here's hoping for a BFP in 9-12 ish days!!!


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Sleeplessness

I'm not sure if that's even a work. I can't even remember the last time I got a really good nights sleep. And I don't think tonight will be any different since I'm having the IUI done in the morning! I'm to excited, nervous, scared, terrified...to sleep. And how in the world am I going to make it through the next few weeks and remain sane. And get some sleep. Thankfully it's the holidays and my in-laws will be in town on Thursday and my mom will be here Sunday. So between family here and work I should be pretty busy!

I'm hoping and praying that tomorrow goes great, Josh's numbers are better then the SA numbers, that the next 2 weeks go by quickly, and that it works! That I get a positive, that my blood draw shows I'm pregnant, and that I spend the next 9 months happily (and uncomfortably I'm sure) pregnant and that I give birth to a healthy baby (or 2) in September 2013!!!


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Hcg trigger

So the hcg trigger shot we did last night...

A nurse showed us how to do it and had us practice yesterday at the appointment. So last night a few minutes before 10 we headed upstairs. I laid everything out, took the bottles out of the box, the needle and syringe out of the bag (not out of its own packaging yet. Got out the alcohol wipes. There are 2 bottles, a liquid and a powder, you have to draw up a certain amount of the liquid and then put it in with the powder, mix and then draw it up into the syringe, change needles from the mixing one (its big) to the little one to do the injection. So I did all this and then cleaned an area on my stomach with an alcohol wipe. I pinched the area and josh got down to eye level and did the actual injection. It hurt a little, like a little pinch and then it was over. The injection site didn't hurt after but it did bled a tiny bit. And there's a tiny pink/red dot/prick mark today. So in my opinion it was easy and pretty painless.

So the point of the hcg is to make me ovulate 36 hours later and do the IUI at that time. So it's all timed perfectly. So me being me I did an ovulation test. I knew it would be positive, duh, but I guess I just wanted physical prof that my body is doing what it's supposed to. And as soon as I looked at it, not even a minute after I did it, the test line was very obviously darker then the control line! I've done this for months and every time I'm like "is it darker?" It always looks about the same as the control line. Here last months tests:



11/19 was positive and the dr agreed when I showed her this picture.

But here's today's:






No doubt about it!!!

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The good and the bad

I had my follie check yesterday afternoon and I was hoping and praying that things would be ready to do the IUI on Sunday. So we got to the Pleasant Grove (PG) clinic and a nurse took me into a room and she did the ultrasound. The first ovary (i cant remember which side) she looked at she said I had 2 follicles that weren't quite ready then she looked at the other one and while she was looking we were saying that we were hoping to do the IUI on Sunday, when she looked at the first side she didn't seem positive that would happen because the follies weren't quite ready yet, so then she looks at the other one and I have 2 mature follies! So on one side I have two mature and on the other I have two almost mature...so then the nurse seemed a little unsure if doing the IUI. I think because the 2 that aren't mature are pretty close to being mature. So there could be a chance of 4 mature follies at the time of the IUI...so she told me to get dressed and we'd talk to my dr to see what she thinks. She also said that my lining was a little thinner then they would like but that's easy to fix with a medicine. She gave me a prescription for estrace, which is a little blue/green pill that you "insert vaginally twice daily for 5 days" wonderful right. And that god she warned me...it makes you have blue discharge...like bright blue, I would have freaked out if she hadn't told me! That's a color I never imagined I'd have leak out of me! Anyways back to the appointment. So I put my undies and pants back on and went out and she was talking to my dr. My dr was like wow, you responded really well to the clomid! So after looking at the sizes of the follies and everything she thinks it's perfectly fine to go ahead and do the IUI on Sunday!!! Yay!!! I was so freaking excited I grabbed Josh's arm and was practically jumping up and down. So then I brought up that we turned in Josh's stuff on Tuesday for the SA and I was wondering when we'd get those results. She said she would see if they are back yet, so we went into the waiting room while she got everything together (those results and figuring out the timing for the IUI on Sunday). A few minutes later she called us back and had us go into our dr's office. It seriously didn't really occur to me that there would be an issue on Josh's side. I considered it for like a second when this all started, but I was sure there wouldn't be an issue. So I was pretty shocked by the results. It's kinda a blur now and I don't remember exactly what she said other then they want to see the results above 2 million and his was 1/2 a million. Not good. And the mobility was "fair". Also not good. She said it could just be a fluke, or it could be what our problem has been all along. We'll have a better idea after we see what the numbers are when we do the IUI. But I asked if it was possible to get pregnant with those numbers and she said yes, especially doing IUI. IUI is pretty much the solution if this is our problem. So I'm hoping that with 2 mature follies and 2 almost mature that'll help our odds and his guys will be able to fertilize one of the eggs (at least)! So we did the trigger shot at 10 last night and we drop off his stuff at 9am tomorrow and then have the IUI done an hour later at 10am! Then I'll have my blood draw on the 31st. So hopefully we'll start the new year with a bun in my oven!

So we haven't really said much about his numbers and what it means. Up until yesterday he has been saying that he hopes this works because we can only afford to do it once. It's a one shot deal, blah blah blah. Which had me terrified because I know it might not work the first time even with everything being perfect. Now add in his results and it's even less chance of it working the first time so I was pretty scared. Well we went to dinner after the appointment and he said something along the lines of well if it doesn't work this first time then we need to talk to her about what could cause it (his results) and what could be don't to improve his stuff before we do it again. Inside I was like wait, what?!?! Yay!!! While on the outside trying to keep my cool and just agree with him. So that's good at least.

So here's hoping for better numbers tomorrow and for this IUI working!!!


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Getting ready

For my follie check this afternoon!!! I'll be hoping, praying and wishing all day that my follies are at the perfect size to do the IUI this weekend!!! Josh is meeting me at my work at 3 and were going straight there (my work is closer to the PG clinic). And I'm trying to convince him to take me out for sushi tonight because I'm hoping I won't be able to have it for 9 months! Please Lord let this work!


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Melt down

I have officially had my first melt down of this cycle. Everything has been going so well, so smoothly with arranging appointments around my work schedule. We schedule out follie check for tomorrow afternoon a week ago and I asked my manager if I could leave an hour early to make sure I could get there on time and he was fine with it. I wasn't planning on telling him what's going on, but he was all is it really important (it is the holidays after all, and I work retail) and I said yes it's for a doctors appointment and he looked at me funny and asked if I'm pregnant (since 2 other girls at work are preggo right now) and I said not yet, but were trying. And then started telling me about his sister and brother in law and how they went through 5 years of treatments and they just had twins and good luck to us blah blah blah. I was kinda shocked by his reaction. He's a very distant person kinda a jerk so this was so unlike him. Anyways, he said it was fine.

So then I got off work yesterday and josh told me that the clinic called and left a message (on our home phone) saying that our dr wouldn't be at the Murray office so we either needed to reschedule or go to pleasant grove for the appointment. (Their Murray office is closer to us). It was too late to call them by the time I got home so I called them this morning and the girl was like well you can come to pleasant grove at 11:30 am. Um no I can't. I told her I can't because of work. So then she puts me on hold forever and comes back and says I can come at 3:15. I said I can't be there by then. I'm already leaving work an hour early at 3 to get there at 4:30, the earliest I could be there is 4. Her response well sorry but were just really busy we can't do that. I was about to fall apart and was holding back tears and just said "I'll have to call back" and hung up and just burst into tears. Josh was so mad. He came in and got the number and then went into the other room and called them back. He pretty much told them that this is our 1 shot. We aren't going to be able to do this again she wanted us to have the follie check tomorrow, we made an appointment a week ago, we arranged our schedules to be able to be there so they have to fit us in. We have an appointment at 4:15 tomorrow. Thank god for my hubby! I don't even think the girl on the phone was even listening to me when I talked to her because josh said something when he talked to her like "she never said anything about 5. We could be there anytime after 4" she must have thought I said 5 pm...um no...maybe you should listen bitch! Sorry but I'm pissed. I'm pretty sure we were dealing with the PG office, the ladies at the Murray office are SO much better! They are nicer and friendly. Too bad they can only do monitoring and blood work type stuff there. I'm going to have to take those ladies a little goodie basket!

Wow. I don't know if its the clomid, stress, or what but I am an emotional mess! I gotta go get my shit together so I can leave for work in 30 mins.

I'm just hoping and praying that my follies are perfect size to trigger tomorrow! Especially now so I can be all "see bitch! I really needed to come in today! You could have ruined our IUI!" I won't really say that to anyone but I sure as hell will be thinking it!


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HSG

I had the hsg done yesterday afternoon and it was not bad AT ALL. I went in and got undressed from the waist down and sat there waiting. Then the dr and a nurse came in. It wasn't the usual dr I see because I had to have it done at their main clinic and she wasn't working there that day, but it was the only day I could do it. The dr had me put my legs in stirup things that held my legs way up. Much higher then during the ultrasound. It was a weird position and a little uncomfortable to have so much of my lady parts on display! So then she put in the spectrum, rubbed some antiseptic stuff on my cervix with a giant qtip and then had josh leave the room because of the X-ray radiation. Then the dr put in the catheter and I could see everything that was going on on the X-ray screen. She slowly pushed in the dye (clear dye and it shows up black on the X-ray) and she told the nurse when to take a picture. The nurse took pictures throughout and then printed them out at the end. Everything was open and clear and looks good! The whole thing took less then 5 minutes. When she was done I said "that's it? I thought it would be worse then that. That wasn't bad at all" it wasn't any worse then a pap in my opinion, maybe a little more uncomfortable, but it wasn't painful. I also took 3 ibuprofen about an hour before so maybe that helped? But once she pulled everything out I could feel the liquid coming out if me. So gross! The nurse gave me a pad and said it would leak out for a little while. They also said I might have some slight cramping and a little bleeding is normal. I did have a little bit of cramping on the way home but not even as bad as period cramps. I didn't have any bleeding.

Josh turned in his "stuff" for the SA and we should here back within the next few days.

I have my follie check in Friday afternoon and hopefully everything will be good to go and we can trigger and do the IUI on Sunday! That's my hope!!!


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"Goodies"

I got my meds delivered today. Here are my "goodies":







I got the needle, syringe, hcg, progesterone suppositories, and prenatals. Last night was my last clomid pill and I have my hsg procedure this afternoon! Along with hubby's SA. Then I have my follicle check Friday and I'm HOPING and praying that everything will be good to go and we can trigger then do the IUI on Sunday. I have Sunday off so it will just make it a million times easier to not have to try to schedule the IUI around work. I really hope this is it!! I want to ring in the new year with a sparkling cider toast!

In other (non exciting) news we went to do some Christmas shopping this morning and went to trader joes! They just opened one in downtown Salt Lake City at the end of last month and we love trader joes! We shopped there when we lived in CA and in New Mexico. And we have seriously missed having one near by! There pancake mix is the best! And there frozen stuff is so yummy and quick and easy to make. We love the orange chicken, teriyaki chicken, pot stickers, garlic fries, chicken chow mien, and so much more! So were super excited to have one here!



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Socks

I love cute socks...but I only have a few pairs and I barley ever wear them. I'm on my feet running around all day at work so I love champion brand sport style socks, they are comfy and hold up well. I like taller socks to wear with boots and warm fuzzy comfy socks (that I wouldn't wear with shoes) at home, especially during the winter! But when I do happen to wear cute socks I can't help but smile and feel happy! I'll catch a glimpse at them throughout the day and smile. It just make some feel good. So naturally when I went to my RE consult, I knew I'd be getting an ultrasound so I didn't want to wear boots, I wore a pair of gray socks with bright pink polka dots! As soon as I opened my sock drawer and saw them I knew I had to wear them! They made me happy and they made me smile. I wore them with grey flats that I never wear and I could see a small bit of them peaking out between the shoe and where my jeans hit and it might have looked kinda silly but it made me happy. At my appointment I thought "good luck socks" not necessarily the actual pair of socks, but I thought that wearing cute socks that make me happy might bring good luck, at least positive energy on my part! So at my cd3 appointment I wore a different pair of cute socks! And tonight at target I bought a super cute gray, black, and pink pair with an argyle pattern! I can't wait to wear them on Tuesday to my HSG!

It might be silly, but I like my happy socks!


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Officially on fertility treatments

Even though I had my consult last weeks, it still didn't feel real. It felt a little more real yesterday after a second ultrasound and blood work. I have a bruise on my arm from where they took blood and I kept looking at it last night at work and thinking, this is real, we're really doing this. It still didn't feel really real. My hubby picked up my clomid prescription and brought it to me at work. He was very concerned with me taking it at the same time everyday and I had to work late last night and I usually go to bed earlier on the nights I don't work late so he thought I should take it at work to make sure I'll take it at the same time everyday. So I took my first clomid at 8:00 pm last night. That little white pill feels like such a big deal! It's real. We're doing this. This cycle WILL be different and hopefully will have a different outcome!



And I'd by lying if I said this little part on the info sheet makes me a little giddy :


Using this may result in multiple pregnancy...I've always thought I'd have twins and so has my family. It's been a joke in my family for as long as I can remember with my mom and grandma coming up with matching rhyming names for my future twin girls! So how funny would that be! Don't get me wrong though I will be BEYOND thrilled to get just one baby, twins would just be a bonus! A funny one because of this family joke!

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IUI

Yesterday I got a call from the pharmacy that the clinic uses about my prescriptions. I called as soon as I got off work and was told my insurance doesn't cover anything (except the prenatal vitamins the RE prescribed), which is what I already expected. The order was for clomid, trigger shot, progesterone and the prenatals. Since i wasn't sure we would be needing the trigger and not sure when I'd start clomid they said I could call back in the morning after my appointment. The total came it to $160. Which isn't too bad. But money is tight and we are trying to find ways to afford treatments. I have a card in my name for one of my mom's credit cards. After our first appointment she said I could use it if needed for treatments. So even though $160 isn't that much I called her yesterday to ask if I could use it for the meds. Basically to spread out the costs. I know at some point we'll be getting a bill (quite a few bills I'm sure) from the insurance and knowing most things won't be covered, using her card will lessen the burden of what we have to pay our insurance. I'm sure we'll have more time and lower payments on her card. So while I was on the phone I talked to her about how I'm feeling about treatments. That I think we should just do the IUI. Yes it's a lot up front, but what if we waste months in just doing clomid cycles and we have to do an IUI anyways? That'll be time and hundreds of dollars wasted. She agreed. She told me to use the card. I can pay it off over time and she'll even help us with some of it as our Christmas presents. So I got home and talked to josh. He's terrified about spending that much and owing my mom, but he agreed that I had a very good point. So we're doing it. We're doing an IUI this cycle! I'm so terrified about what will happen if it doesn't work. If it doesn't work we're screwed. So hopefully it will work!

I had my CD3 appointment this morning. I had an ultrasound and bloodwork. I start clomid tonight! And I have an appointment Tuesday for the HSG and Josh's semen analysis. And then next Friday I have a follicle check! If everything looks good and the follicles are the right size, we'll trigger and have the IUI over the weekend! Craziness! I just hope it all works out and we get pregnant this cycle!



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So ready!

I'm so ready for this cycle! I called today and I was able to make my appointment for Thursday morning! I'll have a baseline ultrasound and blood work done, Josh will also have blood work done for infectious disease (they require it for IUI, etc so we're just getting it out of the way now). And they will give me my prescription for clomid! And I'm going to hopefully schedule my HSG and Josh's semen analysis for next Wednesday, I just need to make sure I'll have it off and I should be able to find out tomorrow.

Hopefully all this will result in a BFP at the end of the month! I know it's not likely on our first cycle, but it could happen!

Here's to our first cycle with treatment! We'll call it cycle #1 (18). (Since its our 18th month TTCing).


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Seeing red

I got my period tonight! So I'll call the clinic in the morning and I'm going to see if I can go in Thursday morning. It will technically be CD4, but since I just started it tonight (around 7pm) I'm hoping that will be ok. If not I will have to ask my boss if I can leave like an hour early tomorrow or Wednesday since I work till 4 and the clinic closes at 5, and it will take at least half an hour to get there from work, probably longer at that time of day. Normally I wouldn't have an issue asking to leave an hour early since I never ask to leave early, I'm never late and I never call in sick. I'm sure my manager would be fine with it, it's just that work is crazy busy right now because of the holidays and we are having a big visit on Wednesday. So...yeah, I'd rather not ask to leave early if I don't have to!

Yay! Time to get this cycle started!


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Waiting

I'm still just waiting for my period. My cycle is always pretty much like clockwork, 27-28 days. But last month it was only 24 days so when I had some spotting on Wednesday I was sure it would come early again and I'd get it by yesterday. But I'm glad I didn't, that means my cycle is normal again and last month was just weird. So hopefully I'll get it tomorrow and can go in wednesday for my CD3 baseline ultrasound and blood work. And get my prescription for clomid!!! I'm so excited to get this cycle started! To get the testing done, to see if there's a problem with me or josh and to start treatment! If it's unexplained I think I'll want to do an IUI as soon as possible.


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